Armchair Imagineering: Pixar Pier

So D23 just happened last weekend. I didn't get to go, but by all accounts, the Parks Division had a lot to say about their upcoming projects. Among them is a plan to remodel California Adventure's Paradise Pier—again—this time with a unique and cohesive theme that really brings across the romance of the boardwalk and the seaside environment.

Nah, just kidding. They're gonna slather Pixar IP all over the place.

I've explained before why I don't think a “Pixar Land” would really work as a themed area. In brief, few Pixar movies have the kind of setting that would be fascinating just to exist in; they mostly take place in the normal modern world, or a facsimile of it (even if they offer a different perspective on said world). But I must say...it's not as if the area is all that compelling to begin with. Maybe a dose of Pixar-i-fication will at least liven things up a bit.

But can we at least hope that they don't just randomly slap these valuable IPs on attractions and shops willy-nilly? Please? Can we hope for some logic to be involved?

Maybe?

I tend to forget how many rides there actually are in Paradise Pier. I don't go over to that side of the park all that often because—get this—the rides don't interest me that much. Maybe once in a blue moon I'll hit California Screamin' and Mickey's Fun Wheel. Here's the complete list:

• California Screamin'
• King Triton's Carousel of the Sea
• Mickey's Fun Wheel
• Toy Story Midway Mania
• Silly Symphony Swings
• Jumpin' Jellyfish
• Goofy's Sky School
• Golden Zephyr

And, of course:

• The Little Mermaid ~ Ariel's Undersea Adventure.

Of these, Midway Mania and Ariel's Undersea Adventure get a pass, the former because it's already decorated with (I hate to use the expression “themed to” in a case this perfunctory) a Pixar franchise, and the latter because even if it's not a top-notch Imagineering effort, at least it stands on its own.* But the rest of the Paradise Pier rides are basically off-the-shelf carnival rides with arbitrary “theming” which we may feel free to swap out, like changing the living room curtains.

Likewise, there are a few Pixar IPs that are off-limits, by reason of already seeing ample use elsewhere in California Adventure. Toy Story has already been mentioned. Cars and “a bug's life” have an entire land apiece to call their own, and Monsters, Inc. has a significant ride. On a completely different note, there are a couple of Pixar movies that do have the kind of exotic, imaginative settings that deserve better than this sort of shallow treatment, so I also will not be considering WALL*E or Brave.

California Screamin'

As Paradise Pier's signature thrill ride, there's a lot that could be done with this. I know Paris's Walt Disney Studios park has a “Crush's Coaster” (named after the sea turtle in Finding Nemo) that some fans have proposed as an overlay for Screamin', but based on my research it seems much too specific and effects-heavy to work that way. Conversely, I think it's high time something significant was done in the parks for The Incredibles, and a roller coaster with a high-speed magnetic launch and an inversion seems as good a prospect as any.

King Triton's Carousel of the Sea

This might be a better pick for a Finding Nemo attraction, given that it's already a carousel of sea creatures. On the other hand, a carousel is almost infinitely malleable as long as you can think of animal figures to use.

Mickey's Fun Wheel

The rising-and-falling cycle inherent to any Ferris wheel, and the sliding and swinging motion of two-thirds of the gondolas, call to mind the balloon-lofted house in Up. Since the only other theme park presence of this excellent film is in the Redwood Creek Challenge Trail and doesn't even reference that most striking and compelling aspect of the movie, I think it might be an appropriate transformation.

Silly Symphony Swings

The form of this ride potentially suggests Up again, or maybe Finding Nemo, but as we have much better options for both of those, I'm not in love with either idea.

Instead, what if we invoked one of the Pixar short subjects with this one? Say...”Lifted” (the one about the space alien taking its qualifying exam for abducting humans)? The whirling suspended chairs support the concept of people being tractor-beamed off the ground by a rank amateur.

Jumpin' Jellyfish

This one could almost work as a Finding Nemo ride as-is. Just paint all the jellyfishes pink. Or don't. See if I care.

Goofy's Sky School

I have two potentially interesting ideas for this one. First...it's a wild mouse coaster, and it's a short step from mouse to rat, and I've always thought the film Ratatouille needs more love. Second...with the addition of some pinwheel-like devices along the margins of the track, the coaster could be a reasonable facsimile of the short-term memory storage from Inside Out, with riders as the memory orbs:

Golden Zephyr

The ride vehicles here look like zeppelins. The effort to convert it to an Up-related ride would be as minimal as that necessary to convert Jumpin' Jellyfish to Finding Nemo.

Obviously, this rundown contains some redundancies, and one or two movies didn't make the cut even beyond the ones I crossed out at the start. It seems to me that having devoted one attraction to a short cartoon, I could probably stand to take a look at the others and see if there's any potential there, but nothing leaps to mind.

As for the rest of the area—the non-ride stuff—I'm even less familiar with it. I barely remembered that they took out the sunglasses stand and therefore cannot replace the dinosaur on top with Arlo. And I think there's some kind of pasta restaurant in the back corner? I suppose the thing to do here would be to look it all up and start coming up with more ideas, but the fact that I don't already have rafts of ideas just goes to show how uninspiring the place is to begin with, and why I can't be too upset that they intend to gussy it up, even with Pixar.

* It's also separated from the rest of the Paradise Pier rides by a good-sized gap, so it doesn't need to be part of the same remodeling effort.