The 5 Scariest Disneyland Resort Attractions (That Aren't the Haunted Mansion)

There is a school of thought, concerning theme park attractions, that says: Scarier = Better. (It often overlaps with the related Faster = Better school.) Naturally, it comes to the fore during the fall season, when temporary Halloween attractions pop up everywhere and try their best to scare the pants off everyone who pays good money to experience them, and occasionally succeed.

Disney theme parks don't usually fare too well on the Scarier = Better scale. WDI tends to take a middle-of-the-road approach with attraction content, avoiding both the too-saccharine and the too-horrific. Exceptions, especially on the too-horrific end of the scale, come across as “not Disney enough” and may not last as long as they probably would in someone else's park. It's something of a pity—it would be nice if the world's finest attraction builders got to stretch themselves a little more, instead of having to stick within the bounds of a PG/soft PG-13 rating.

Regardless, Disney rides are not scary. At least, they don't have a reputation for being scary. Depending on the guest, they can be quite scary indeed...not always on purpose! The Haunted Mansion is the obvious example of a Disney attraction that is considered at least mildly spooky—so obvious that for this post, I decided it would be more fruitful to set it aside and talk about others instead.*

So here are—in my estimation—the five scariest non-Haunted Mansion Disneyland Resort attractions!

(Disclaimer: None of them actually scare me, nor ever have. Even when I was little, I think I had too firm a grasp of reality to be actually frightened by Disneyland. I knew it was all pretend and couldn't really hurt me.)

Sentimental Paleontology: Late Lamented Haunted Mansion Effects

Well, we're into September now, and you know what that means.

“Halloween creep” is getting to be as bad as Christmas creep, but this year I actually don't mind. I, along with about 90% of the people I know, have been basically done with summer since approximately mid-July. Bring on the pumpkins, I say.* And what better way to kick off Halloween Season at the Disneyland Dilettante then with a look at the Haunted Mansion, and particularly aspects of it that are, shall we say, no longer with us?

And boy howdy, are there ever a lot of them. Plenty of attractions have been upgraded and retooled over the years, but I think I can safely say that no other attraction has undergone anywhere near as much piecemeal turnover—adding, subtracting, and/or replacing individual show elements as opposed to whole scenes—as the Mansion. There are probably several reasons why this should be. The supernatural subject matter lends itself to many different kinds of effects, which practically beg to be upgraded as technology improves. It's a modular sort of spectacle, in which swapping out one ghost for another doesn't meaningfully alter the ride's sense of narrative flow. And it has a devoted fanbase always ready to scour every inch for surprises, meaning that any tinkering is bound to be noticed.

The upshot is that sometimes a fragment of the Haunted Mansion just...goes away, usually with little to no fanfare, never to be seen again in this life. But they say that nothing is truly dead as long as its name is still spoken...**

After-Action Report: Pin Collecting/Trading

I don't know what it is about the pins. It might be simply that they're cute, affordable, don't take up much space, and come in such a staggering variety that you're bound to find something that appeals to you. Got a favorite character, favorite ride, favorite holiday, favorite sport? There's a pin for that! With new ones released on a weekly basis, not to mention the special editions, mystery boxes, and whatever else they scheme in the smoke-filled rooms of Disney Marketing, there are so many pins. Even if you could afford it, you'd never be able to collect them all.

And I don't know about you, but that's a big relief to me, because it means I am under no obligation to try.

I exaggerate. I wouldn't say I've ever been into pin collecting. If I see one I adore, I will usually get it, but that rarely happens these days. I mostly got it out of my system back in the mid-2000s—you know, around the time of the 50^th Anniversary, possibly the single most rewarding time to be a Disneyland fan in my lifetime—but that was enough for me to build up a reasonably sized collection.

I've never actually traded for a pin. Ever. I have one that I bought on eBay, because it was already out of production by the time I discovered that I really wanted it. Everything else in my stash came from a Disney theme park pin store, sometimes through the intermediary of a friend who gave it as a gift.

So I might not be the most qualified person to talk about this. But did you know there's no licensing process for blogging? Strange but true!

Actually, I'll come clean: this is mostly an excuse to show off my pin collection. Photos and explanations under the break!

Er...fair warning: these are not good photos. They were taken in the decidedly nonprofessional setting of my apartment, using the sub-amateur equipment that is my phone, against the completely ad-hoc backdrop of my coffee table. And I was not always able to wrangle the flash very well.

The Second Sense: Some Thoughts On Music Loops

To my U.S. fans, happy Labor Day! To my Canadian fans, Happy Labour Day! (My desk calendar at work lists them separately.)

I collect Disney theme park music and audio. If that surprises you...welcome to my blog! I have a huge archive for you to get caught up on! Anyway, this obsession extends not just to the soundtracks of individual attractions, but to the so-called “music loops” that provide atmosphere in open areas, attraction queues, and even shops. As far as I can tell, these started being used in 1971; presumably the first few were created for Magic Kingdom but also installed in Disneyland because why not?

Most loops run anywhere from 50 minutes to an hour before repeating, and traditionally they have been composed of instrumental music rather than vocal recordings. Recently, however, there has been a shift toward the use of actual songs* in music loops, often very well-known songs, and I think this is a bit of a mistake.

Firstly, instrumental music can readily fade into the background and provide atmosphere without demanding attention, while vocals (especially familiar ones) can be quite distracting. There's no way around it—we humans are social animals, our interactions are mostly mediated vocally, and thus human voices are more attention-grabbing than any other sound.

Secondly, songs tend to be more instantly recognizable than instrumentals (since most people listen to vocal recordings more often than they listen to instrumental music), and extremely recognizable music inevitably reminds people of the context from which they recognize it, rather than immersing them in the setting of the park as it is supposed to. (This video describes a similar problem with respect to film soundtracks that lean heavily on established pop music.) Some of the most lackluster music loops in the Disneyland Resort have to be the ones throughout Cars Land, which just sound like “oldies” radio stations and make me feel less like I'm in a small town in a fantastic world of living cars, and more like I'm in the car with my Baby Boomer parents controlling the radio.**