The 5 Scariest Disneyland Resort Attractions (That Aren't the Haunted Mansion)

There is a school of thought, concerning theme park attractions, that says: Scarier = Better. (It often overlaps with the related Faster = Better school.) Naturally, it comes to the fore during the fall season, when temporary Halloween attractions pop up everywhere and try their best to scare the pants off everyone who pays good money to experience them, and occasionally succeed.

Disney theme parks don't usually fare too well on the Scarier = Better scale. WDI tends to take a middle-of-the-road approach with attraction content, avoiding both the too-saccharine and the too-horrific. Exceptions, especially on the too-horrific end of the scale, come across as “not Disney enough” and may not last as long as they probably would in someone else's park. It's something of a pity—it would be nice if the world's finest attraction builders got to stretch themselves a little more, instead of having to stick within the bounds of a PG/soft PG-13 rating.

Regardless, Disney rides are not scary. At least, they don't have a reputation for being scary. Depending on the guest, they can be quite scary indeed...not always on purpose! The Haunted Mansion is the obvious example of a Disney attraction that is considered at least mildly spooky—so obvious that for this post, I decided it would be more fruitful to set it aside and talk about others instead.*

So here are—in my estimation—the five scariest non-Haunted Mansion Disneyland Resort attractions!

(Disclaimer: None of them actually scare me, nor ever have. Even when I was little, I think I had too firm a grasp of reality to be actually frightened by Disneyland. I knew it was all pretend and couldn't really hurt me.)

5. Radiator Springs Racers

AAAHHHHH!

This surprisingly cool ride does not get the nod on the grounds of its thrill portion. Getting the blood pumping is not the same as being scary per se. I figure there are two ways a theme park ride can deliver scares: presenting a spooky atmosphere, or having startling moments. (At Long-Forgotten Haunted Mansion—no, I haven't stopped stanning the hell out of that blog, thanks for asking—these approaches are called “Brr” and “Boo.”) Radiator Springs Racers doesn't boast much of the former (although the cars themselves can be a little creepy), but there are startles galore in the dark ride portion, mostly in the form of suddenly floodlit vehicles accompanied by loud noises. It's pretty affecting after the serenity of the “scenic drive” portion, and the ride itself is still new enough not to have been completely memorized and thoroughly picked apart by every schmoe with a blog. So it makes the cut.

4. Snow White's Scary Adventures

EEK!

This one is a gimme, what with the word “scary” right in the name and all. Any dark ride has the potential to terrify the young'uns, starting with the fact that they're, you know, dark, but this one exemplifies the principle. To those of a delicate disposition, the frights begin before you even get in line, with the Evil Queen glowering down at all and sundry in the Fantasyland Courtyard at large:

It doesn't let up much from there. From the golden apple by the entrance that triggers a hearty Witch's cackle if you touch it, to the deadly thunderstorm that closes out the show, there are only a few moments when the attraction isn't doing its level best to terrify guests. It nails both the Brr and the Boo, featuring everything from the skeletons of deceased torture victims to monstrous probably-carnivorous trees, and of course jump-scares almost literally around every turn, in the form of ridiculously aggressive sales pitches from the world's most horrifying apple peddler.

It is, admittedly, a soft touch compared to the original WDW version,** but it's still probably the trippiest thing based on an animated movie that we've got in Anaheim.

3. Matterhorn Bobsleds

HOLY SH--!

I may have told a teensy fib, earlier, when I said that none of these rides have ever scared me. I used to get a pretty good jolt from the Matterhorn whenever Harold the Yeti's eyes lit up red in the darkness and he growled so loudly and suddenly. I actually took to plugging my ears in anticipation—look, I have pretty sensitive hearing, okay?

That particular jump-scare was removed during the ride's 2015 refurb, but the whole package is, if anything, scarier, what with the more lifelike Yeti animatronics and the more aggressive personality Harold has been given. Even disregarding the menacing cryptid, the Matterhorn tends to be the most nerve-wracking of the classic Disney roller coasters due to the bumpiness of the ride and all the tight turns and sudden dips.

However, it is the Halloween season, and that means there's currently a coaster that just edges it out...

2. Space Mountain Ghost Galaxy

DFAGJAFVAKAHFKAJFAKFGANG!!!

I wrote a whole post a few years ago about why I think Space Mountain's Halloween overlay works. It's the only ride in Disneyland Park, Anaheim that I think is intended to be truly frightening, rather than “merely” eerie or exciting...and it succeeds at that. Even regular Space Mountain is a bit unsettling, with the cramped passageways in the inside queue and that 1970s “randomly hitting buttons on the Moog synthesizer” sound palette. The Ghost Galaxy version ups the ante with the exterior projections and corrupted video feed in the load area—it's really quite affecting if you let yourself buy into it, all the more so since no actual explanation for the goings-on is offered.

And let's be real...that monster you see up there is easily one of the most horrific things ever designed for a Disney theme park, and implicitly perhaps the largest character in any Disney production of any kind. Quite an intimidating antagonist.

Before we move on to the #1 entry, a couple Honorable Mentions:

• Guardians of the Galaxy: Monsters After Dark—I understand this is actually a pretty slick Halloween attraction overlay, but I haven't been able to see it for myself yet, so I can't rate it for Top Five purposes. By the time this post goes up, I very well may have, but for now at least, I have to leave it here.
• Enchanted Tiki Room—Although the intended atmosphere is one of pure fun and celebration, this attraction includes its share of eerie elements. Some of the tiki designs bear striking resemblances to sketches made by Rolly Crump for the “Museum of the Weird” that ultimately evolved into the Haunted Mansion. And I always catch a few people jumping in startlement at the climactic thunderclap.

1. “it's a small world”

NOOOOOOOOOO!

From the alarmingly cheerful clock face looming over the load area to the hordes of identical children singing and swaying in perfect synchrony, this ride is one creepy spectacle ha ha ha you should see your face right now. I am, of course, just kidding.

1. Indiana Jones Adventure

INFIDELS!!!

I said above that Space Mountain Ghost Galaxy is the only Disneyland ride that seems intended to be actually frightening, and I stand by that even as I describe why this ride outshines it in the scary department. I don't think the Indiana Jones Adventure is meant to be especially scary; I think it's meant to evoke the action-packed climax of an Indiana Jones film, all of which contain horror elements but are definitely not horror films per se. However...

However.

Pick a phobia.

It's like the Imagineers found a list of the most common phobias and used it as a checklist for deciding what to include in the ride. Spiders and bugs? Got 'em. Darkness? Yep. Fire? Of course. Dead bodies? You better believe it! Snakes? Why did it have to be snakes? Physically violent evil in general? Pretty much defines the ride's plot. Forget the health warnings about heart conditions and pregnancy; this thing oughta include a list of trigger warnings!***

So that's my list. Disney may not be the best at scares...but they do all right, don't you think?

* Besides, I yakked about the Mansion plenty last week.

** Click at your own risk.

*** Come to think of it, why don't more theme park rides include notices about specific content elements? The name isn't always going to speak for itself, and in the middle of a thrill ride is exactly the wrong place to discover that it includes hyper-realistic animatronics of your deepest fear.