Beyond Blue Sky: Disney Parks and Kingdom Hearts

You know what I haven't talked about in a good while? Video games.

I like video games. I want to say I love them, but in all honesty? If I truly loved them I'd probably play more of them. Keeping on top of the medium takes a serious investment of time and money that I'm just not willing to put in. It would too greatly hamper my ability to pursue everything else I do...including this blog. I'm usually vaguely aware of the latest developments in the industry, but the most advanced console in my personal possession is...a PlayStation 2.

But that's okay. You know what I can play on a PS2? Kingdom Hearts.

I've mentioned before that there are many similarities between playing a video game, especially one with a “sandbox” structure, and visiting a theme park. The games in the Kingdom Hearts series are not very sandbox-y, but they are especially comparable to a Disneyland visit, and not just because of the whole Disney mega-crossover thing. Game progression in this series revolves around traveling to a succession of “worlds,” like miniature planets, each a unique setting with its own theme and quirks. In the first game alone (the one I own and the only one I am especially familiar with—see above), the playable worlds include a tropical island, a gorilla-inhabited jungle, an underwater realm, a spooooooky haunted realm, a pseudo-futuristic/steampunk/magepunk palace, Wonderland, Neverland, and the 100-Acre Wood. Kingdom Hearts II adds a fairy tale castle, a pirate cove, a world of classic cartoons, and a virtual reality computer world, among others. I can't keep track of all the prequels and interquels and whatnot cluttering up the franchise, but the third proper installment is due to be released next year, and...guys?

There's theme park in it.

One of the game's special features will have the hero summon ride vehicles—actual ride vehicles, ranging in type from a Big Thunder Mountain train to a pair of spinning Teacups—and ride in them to gain advantages during battle sequences. As a charming bonus, the vehicles show up outlined in little colored lights, à la Electrical Parade floats:

Disney's most ambitious and unique concept has finally been included in what is probably its most successful video game franchise. I'm surprised the park fans aren't talking about it more.* But it's not really fully integrated, is it? The “summons” in these games are fun, but they're basically cameos. They're not part of the story. The stuff that matters in these games is bound up in the various worlds you travel to and the native characters you meet there.

You can probably tell where I'm going with this. Just for fun, here's some completely speculative fanwank on my part about how certain Disneyland attractions might fit into the Kingdom Hearts series as actual worlds. Naturally, there's more to consider than just “Is this cool?” Ideally, a world for this game franchise should combine:

• A striking setting
• Potential unique gameplay elements
• Potential thematic enemy types/bosses
• Characters who can be your allies

Even of the existing worlds, not all of them hit all four points, but most of them hit at least three, and the exceptions are typically uniquely positioned within the plot—for instance, in the first game, “End of the World” contains no allies, but that's because it's the last dang stage in the game, described as a conglomeration of destroyed worlds—what friendly character could reasonably be expected to show up there?

So here's what I've come up with.

Matterhorn

A true Disneyland original, never duplicated for any other park, the Matterhorn has delivered thrills for nigh-60 years. But how would it be as a world?

• Striking setting? You bet! Icy caverns filled with glowing crystals and/or heaps of demolished alpine conveyances? Such a world could be divided into individual cave chambers, with maybe the addition of a mountain village as the entry and exit point.
• Unique gameplay elements? Can anyone say “bobsled mini-game? Imagine also the prospect of navigating an ice maze via controlling the flow of mountain streams and waterfalls to freeze and un-freeze walls, platforms, and bridges.
• Enemy types? This is possibly a more difficult issue. You would expect to fight bandits in the desert surrounding Agrabah, luminescent jellyfish under the ocean, and pirates on Captain Hook's ship, and the game dutifully gives us enemies called Bandits, Sea Neons, and Pirates. But merely contemplating the upper slopes of the Alps doesn't immediately suggest dangerous inhabitants to your mind. Ice-elemental types might be our best bet. Or enemies based on mountaineers, if we don't need to stop snickering any time soon. And of course, Harold the Yeti could be a constant threat...or conversely...
• Ally characters? What if Harold was on your side? (What if you had to have a few scares before finally determining this?) The aforementioned village setting might also include some townsfolk offering information and supplies to purchase. (Bonus points if they are named Hans and Otto.) Honestly, this is probably the Matterhorn's weakest area.
• Any real cons? Lack of familiarity is probably the biggest one—as a one-off thrill ride without any specific movie tie-in, the Matterhorn would only have minor niche appeal. I'm also pretty sure Arendelle is going to show up in the next game, which would make a second “ice world” pretty redundant.
• Verdict? If I were allowed to choose just three Disneyland attractions to become worlds in a Kingdom Hearts game, the Matterhorn probably wouldn't make the cut. There are significantly better options out there.

Enchanted Tiki Room

We're already on firmer ground here, with one of the first Disney attractions to have specific named characters of its own.

• Striking setting? It's a tropical tiki hut inhabited by intelligent birds and talking flowers, and the hut itself is alive. Area-wise, there's not much to it—just the Room itself and the attached garden—but it could theoretically be expanded to a multi-room structure, or maybe situated as part of a larger tropical world (Moana-based, perhaps?).
• Unique gameplay elements? Maybe some kind of climbing puzzle involving swinging/flipping between bird perches? This would be less of a concern if the Enchanted Tiki Room were a small part of a larger world with its own gimmick. If it were its own world, I'd want to know what it had to offer.
• Enemy types? Evil birds and animated tiki idols would pose a nice one-two punch threat to our intrepid player-characters. Imagine a final boss fight where the Enchanted Fountain rises up out of the floor, revealing a giant Tiki God wearing it as a hat! Would you get a kick out of fighting that? I'd get a kick out of fighting that.
• Ally characters? The four parrot emcees are pretty obvious. At the risk of invoking the disaster that was Under New Management, maybe some of Disney's other tropical bird characters could make cameo appearances.
• Any real cons? The attraction is so cheery and innocuous that turning it into a source of peril might feel forced. And it is pretty small.
• Verdict? Despite its possible shortcomings, the Enchanted Tiki Room needs more love in general. I think a lot of people would love to see it.

Inner Space

How could I not visit my favorite extinct ride in this analysis? I am of the opinion that Adventure Thru Inner Space has a sleeper fandom just waiting to discover it.

• Striking setting? Thanks to the different scales at which the ride portrayed its subject matter, a world based on it would have multiple striking settings, from the lab with the Mighty Microscope where everything kicked off, to the Crystal Labyrinth of enormous snowflakes, to the haunting molecular wonderland.
• Unique gameplay elements? The above also provides loads of potential in this area. Imagine the needle-in-a-haystack problem of locating a microscopic world heart in a cluster of snowflakes...a task that becomes easier as you unlock the ability to shrink to different levels of scale.
• Enemy types? I'm envisioning some kind of “fractal” enemy, composed of smaller versions of itself stuck together, repeating at each scale until you shrink down to the lowest level and fight the basic building block version.
• Ally characters? I'm coming up completely dry here.
• Any real cons? The target audience for the Kingdom Hearts games is far too young to have ever experienced this ride in person. It's the Matterhorn's unfamiliarity issue turned up to eleven.
• Verdict: Well, it would certainly be different, at least. This is probably my most offbeat idea of the week.

Bear Country

The original and still running, Walt Disney World version of the Country Bear Jamboree is located in Frontierland, but the Anaheim version had a land of its own. What if said land became an entire** world?

• Striking setting? Mmmmm...not so much. Bear Country was portrayed as a simple pine forest somewhere in the American wilderness. Pretty, but not inherently exotic or exciting.
• Unique gameplay elements? I also have a hard time coming up with anything for this. The obvious way to go would be a set of rhythm mini-games to go with the country music, like they did with Atlantica in Kingdom Hearts II. But on the other hand, everyone hated that stage of the game. You know what would be funny, though? The main character, Sora, as an anthropomorphic bear. (Some worlds convert your party into compatible forms/appearances.)
• Enemy types? Bears are pretty dangerous...what if the main enemies here were the Country Bears themselves, possessed/corrupted by the Force of Darkness Du Jour, needing to be freed from control? Apart from that, small enemies based on woodland creatures might be best.
• Ally characters? This is where Bear Country would really shine, with an entire troupe of colorful characters to talk to and interact with. I can see Henry as a temporary party member, laying into enemies with his massive bear claws while Sammy spots for him. I can see Big Al as a summon, sapping the resolve of future enemies with his subwoofer-pitched power chords. I can see Trixie running an item shop and flirting every time you make a purchase. I can see these things. Can Square/Enix?
• Any real cons? Lots, unfortunately. In addition to the issues mentioned above, the last thing we want to do is remind people of that godawful movie.
• Verdict? Not one of my sharper ideas, I'll admit. But highly amusing nonetheless.

Haunted Mansion

Early in Kingdom Hearts II, you explore an abandoned mansion, rumored in-story to be haunted. When I watched my sister play the game, I fully expected to see Easter eggs referencing the Haunted Mansion, but to the best of my recollection, there aren't any. No blurry facsimiles of the changing portraits as part of the wall textures, no suspicious wallpaper, no attic full of wedding gear. Disney really dropped the ball there, and there's only one good way to rectify their mistake.

• Striking setting? It's a haunted mansion. Gothic furnishings, cobwebs, winding hallways, ghosts everywhere. What's not to love?
• Unique gameplay elements? There are a lot of possibilities here. A maze of corridors and doors, where navigating it depends upon not only going through the right doors, but in the right order. A bottomless Seance Room that can be traversed only by hopping across floating furniture. Monsters that emerge from the nasty versions of changing portraits, with said portraits reverting to their nice versions once the monsters are defeated. Merely exploring the mansion would be a hoot, wouldn't it? On (virtual) foot, without the tyranny of a Doom Buggy?
• Enemy types? We've already seen ghost-themed enemies in these games, so that's covered. Some of the Mansion's own residents are hostile enough to make natural villains in the game. Some people see all the ghosts as hostile, interpreting the plot of the ride as an attempt on your life so that you'll join them. On the other hand...
• Ally characters? If you didn't want the Haunted Mansion to be one long fight-fest, you could also interpret plenty of its residents as friendly, or at least benign. And if you want a summon, you could hardly do better than characters that canonically promise to “follow you home.”
• Any real cons? I can't think of any.
• Verdict? Why haven't they done this already? The ball is right there, Disney! Go pick it up!

* Unless they are, and I just don't move in the right Disney fandom circles.

** “Entire.” Miniature fantasy planets, man.