Things You Can Do At Disneyland According to the Ads

Just a short, silly one this time. A full plate and hot, muggy weather have left me without much mental energy for producing one of my usual sterling* quality posts. This is an idea I've been rolling around in my head for a good while now, since it occurred to me that your basic Disneyland Resort ad spot is pretty twee and generic and doesn't really tell you much about what makes the place so great. This one from last year is pretty typical:

So what is there to do in the Disneyland Resort, according to this commercial? Here's my breakdown:

• Spin around for no reason in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle.
• Stare vacantly at the Castle.
• Compare ears with Minnie Mouse.
• Try on hats after you have already bought them.
• Put the moves on your woman.
• Slosh around in a Teacup.
• Cross lightsabers with a remarkably polite Darth Vader.
• Flail your arms while running toward the Astro Orbitor.
• Grin like a loon while riding Dumbo.
• Overreact to Newton's First Law of Motion.
• Lose your freaking mind because you saw a performer play the role of Elsa.
• Try to copy Captain America's pose even though he has a shield and you don't.
• Peer at an underwater camera with a friend.
• Hold hands with someone while lying in separate poolside lounges.
• Take phone photos of your friends, who are drinking.
• As a recent graduate, risk whiplash on the Silly Symphony Swings.
• Gawk at World of Color.

Similarly toned commercials in other years have offered different activities, such as:

• Be in the vicinity of a huge cluster of balloons.
• Run up to a squatting Princess wearing the same dress as you.
• Point excitedly at something off-camera while being carried on an adult's shoulders.
• Stick your arms up on a ride. Any ride. As long as it's outdoors.
• Hug Mickey Mouse**

It's a pity I can't seem to find these commercials on YouTube, because I can see these bullet points very clearly in my head. I'm pretty sure they've been re-shot with different actors over the years, while keeping that core of saccharine vagueness that defines the non-topical Disney Theme Parks commercial. (The topical ones—for specific holidays or new attractions or whatever—follow their own formats.)

I understand that there are good solid marketing reasons for making the commercials so generic, to say nothing of the good solid technical reasons for things like not using any clips of indoor attractions. But going into them would make this post long and dignified, and, well, re-read the first sentence. I've gotta say, though...it's no wonder that people who have never been there can't picture it with any accuracy. They're being teased with only the most nebulous of images.

What are some of your favorite Things to Do At Disneyland According to the Ads?

* Ha.

** Okay, this one's actually pretty cool.