Armchair Imagineering: Disneyland Tribute Parade

I haven't talked much on this blog about the massive celebration Disneyland held for its 50^th anniversary, dubbed the Happiest Homecoming on Earth. Some, but not much.

It was really, really awesome. Sleeping Beauty Castle was decked out with jewels, banners, and five gorgeous crowns on the turrets, each representing a different decade of Disneyland history. Those who enjoyed “find them all” type games had no fewer than three to dive into, one involving photomosaics built from photos sent in by guests, one involving mouse-eared “50” logos, and one involving pressed pennies. There was a retrospective film with Steve Martin,* and the best fireworks show ever.** It was so memorable and, dare I say it, magical that...I... mayhavewrittenfanfictionaboutit.

There was also a parade.

I'm not saying Walt Disney's Parade of Dreams was bad, but when put up alongside the other Golden Anniversary offerings, it was...too normal, maybe? Except for the first and last units, which popped in appropriate ways, it was a pretty standard 21^st Century Disney parade: about half a dozen floats referencing different animated movies, accompanied by appropriately costumed dancers. Every so often, they would remember why they were there and have a “show stop” involving golden flags and a new cover of the song “Welcome” from Brother Bear.***

It's almost like two parades were cut in half and mashed together: a conventional parade promoting popular movies, and a really unique one for the 50^th anniversary. And I just think that for such a momentous occasion, the whole thing should have been unique. Should have been about Disneyland, like the fireworks were.

There was certainly precedent. The Silver Anniversary, in 1980, featured both a parade and a live stage show that celebrated the park in a land-by-land fashion. And you know me—I'm all about those themed lands. So consider this the parade we should have gotten for the Happiest Homecoming...with a bonus feature of also being applicable to any park anniversary...or just in general. Disneyland shouldn't need an excuse to celebrate itself.

Any similarities with the 1980 parade are, believe it or not, purely coincidental. But also pretty much to be expected.

Opening Unit & Main Street, USA

I'm combining these two because I'm not 100% positive that they can meaningfully be separated. The first feature I'm envisioning is a mini-float resembling the classic parking lot sign, or perhaps the one with the LED marquee from the Nineties. (An advantage of the latter would be the ability to display changing messages during the parade.) This would be followed by none other than the Main Street Marching Band, with Mickey Mouse leading in his drum major outfit:

I was quite charmed by the merchandise of the Fab Five in costumes representing the five original themed lands—I bought all five bean plushies—and was puzzled that we didn't actually see Mickey Mouse et al dressed up like this for meet-and-greets or the parade.

After the marching band comes, well, this float:

The float representing the Main Street Train Station, with the train itself taking flight under the influence of Tinker Bell's pixie dust, was the absolute rightest thing about the Parade of Dreams. Good use of your mythos, guys.

After that early highlight, we get an assortment of Main Street Vehicles—the Fire Engine, Horseless Carriage, and Omnibus (the Horse-Drawn Streetcar is too limited), as well as the Dapper Dans on their four-seat tandem bike. The vehicles are occupied by Cast Members in period costume, plus various characters who aren't occupied elsewhere in the parade.

Adventureland

The centerpiece of this unit is a massive float depicting a dense jungle, forked at the front to represent a slice of river with a Jungle Cruise boat cresting some rapids (and an actual Skipper at the helm!). Dancers in animal costumes cavort around the float, which also features cozily miniature versions of iconic Adventureland structures such as the Enchanted Tiki Room and Temple of the Forbidden Eye. A raised platform at the back of the float provides room for the Adventureland Steel Drum Band to perform.

Characters accompanying this unit can come from any of Disney's “tropical” movies: The Jungle Book, The Lion King, Tarzan, Lilo and Stitch, Moana. Maybe some of them could have mini-floats of their own, such as a Tantor for Tarzan and Jane to ride, or Moana's outrigger boat.**** At the head of the unit, however, would be Goofy in his Indiana Jones-inspired getup!

New Orleans Square

It's never any problem coming up with ideas for New Orleans Square-themed entertainment, but it can be a bit tricky to pare them down to something manageable. Either Pirates of the Caribbean or the Haunted Mansion provides enough material for a jumbo-sized parade unit all on its own, and that's without even considering “street-level” New Orleans Square, with its jazz bands and high-end shops.

I think the way to go here is to have one medium-sized float representing a pirate ship (with a live crew on deck), and a larger one resembling the Mansion (with a dead staff!), with jazz performers and probably the cast of The Princess and the Frog between them. And lest we forget, leading this unit would be Daisy Duck in her Mardi Gras costume:

Critter Country

This would have to be one of the more modest units. Despite containing one of the park's most complicated thrill rides, there just isn't much to Critter Country. It kind of lost its soul when the Country Bears moved out. I figure a perfunctory Splash Mountain float and a bunch of Winnie the Pooh characters scooting around in little beehive go-carts—plus Chip and Dale in the lead—would suffice.

Frontierland

This unit, on the other hand, could potentially be huge. It's not a fan favorite these days, but Frontierland is both physically large and boasts a lot of varied content, much of it easy to represent in the form of a parade. It would start with a motorized mockup of a canoe with a coonskin cap-wearing Pluto in the bow:

After that, I envision a long procession including any of the following: cowboys on horseback, Indians on horseback (played by actual native Cast Members, thankyouverymuch), stagecoaches, covered wagons, square dancers, a miniature Mark Twain float, can-can dancers, and a float representing Big Thunder Mountain with an actual mini-mine train running on a loop of track around the base.

There aren't many animated characters associated with Frontierland—Woody, Jessie, and Pocahontas are about it—but this would be a great excuse to pull Davy Crockett and Zorro out of mothballs.

Fantasyland

This would be another absolutely gargantuan unit, and unlike Frontierland, its performers would be almost nothing but animated characters...starting with Princess Minnie Mouse and a whole bevy of her ballgown-clad colleagues. (And I guess their boyfriends can come too.) These can appear under a canopy carried by attendants in page costumes, for that Fantasy Faire vibe.

The obvious thing to come next would be a miniature Castle float, but...I'm torn. I'm not sure I want a small replica of Sleeping Beauty Castle sliding down the parade route, part of which passes right by Sleeping Beauty Castle. I'm not sure why I balk at this, since I have absolutely no problem with a tiny Main Street Train Station passing by the actual Main Street Train Station...maybe it's that the Train Station itself is not nearly as iconic?

So maybe instead it would be better to have a small float that draws on the style of the Castle without trying to mimic the same shape. How about a gatehouse? Pink and blue towers arrayed to the left and right of an archway, with elegant gates continually opening and closing, as if inviting people inside Fantasyland? And then maybe the rest of the unit can have little turrets every so often, underlining the idea that Fantasyland is contained within the Castle.

On that note, as much as I love both the Matterhorn and “it's a small world,” I can't help but see them as adjuncts to the “main” part of Fantasyland, which consists of the Courtyard area and the stuff just around the corner from it. The portion that was there in the Fifties, in other words. That's where you get traditional dark rides and popular characters, and boy howdy, do you get them. We're spoiled for choice when it comes to both appropriate characters to include and possible ways to present them...but since this parade is about Disneyland, I want to err on the side of the attractions and their unique points. So let's have Dwarfs in a mine cart, Alice in a spinning Tea Cup, Peter Pan in a miniature pirate ship, and Mr. Toad in a MOTORCAR!—all small vehicles actually operated by their occupants, so they have some leeway in navigating the parade route. (Naturally, the vehicle tech includes safeguards to make sure the cars stop or veer off if they get too close to the crowd, each other, or other floats/performers.)

How about Pinocchio? He tends to get left out of these Fantasyland dark ride ensembles, both because his ride came late (although it is worth noting that it turns 35 this year) and because it doesn't have a unique vehicle design—the Daring Journey cars are literally repurposed leftover mine carts. I'm gonna hit two birds with one stone here and put Pinocchio on...a Carrousel horse! It's a fine way to involve some Carrousel imagery in the parade, and it works for Pinoke—barely—because of the Pleasure Island connection.

Mickey's Tootown

This is another unit with excellent opportunity for character representation, but here we run into a snag: the “core” characters—Mickey and the gang, the Fab Five, whatever you choose to call them—are all busy leading other units! My solution is to roll out the more supplemental characters such as Clarabelle Cow and Horace Horsecollar (do they even have a Horace costume? I don't recall seeing one, at least not any time recently), Scrooge McDuck and Donald's nephews, and lest we forget, Roger and Jessica Rabbit! Put them in Toon cabs, the Jolly Trolley, whatever it takes to get the message across.

Obviously, this would be another lightweight unit.

Here's a silly idea: have a troupe of eight dancers dressed as the T-O-O-N-T-O-W-N letters from the hillside:

Tomorrowland

Ah, Tomorrowland, my thematic Achilles heel. Although I find myself running into a specific aspect of the problem when it comes to designing a Tomorrowland parade unit.

Tomorrowland's root theme is highly conceptual, but does not immediately suggest a specific aesthetic. We all know what a tropical jungle or a fairytale village should look like—the image is contained in the idea. But a high-tech future world, be it near-future or far-future? That's much more open. Disneyland's Tomorrowland as we know it has an aesthetic, jumbled as it has become, but it's not easily transferable to a parade format. How do you turn a chunk of Tomorrowlan architecture into a discrete float when the structures are so continuous with each other? What does futuristic dancing look like, and what can the dancers wear without looking like that one scene in Futurama in the “retro” club where all the patrons were ironically wearing floating rings around their wrists and ankles?

I do know that this unit needs to be headed by Astronaut Donald Duck in some kind of zippy rocket, but I'm at a bit of a loss after that. I certainly don't wish to validate the slide into disjointed IP saturation. You can barely justify thinking of Buzz Lightyear as a Tomorrowland character, but only barely, and Nemo (the fish, not the Jules Verne character) would be Right Out in a just universe. The cast of Big Hero 6 would make excellent Tomorrowland characters, but Disney seems to have just shrugged and chucked them into the corner.

Would it be too silly to have a Chinese dragon-style setup, only instead of a dragon, it's the Monorail? Nah, never mind, yes it would.

Finale

Some Disneyland parades end with a grand finale unit, while others end in much more perfunctory fashion, with just a handful of attendants carrying a rope to prevent over-eager guests from getting all up in the parade's business from behind.

This parade is the second kind.

See you next time!

* Still showing continuously in the lobby of the Main Street Opera House.

** True story: Was on the freeway as a passenger, with my sister driving, and we missed our exit because we were playing the “Remember...Dreams Come True” soundtrack in the car and we were too blissed out on the mental images to notice the signs.

*** And now the Paint the Night Parade makes liberal use of “When Can I See You Again?” from Wreck-It Ralph. Is this becoming a pattern?

**** One of these days I must develop the Moana parade idea I've had knocking around in my head.