My Top 5 Attractions I've Never Been To (Yet)

As I mentioned at the start of the year, I am running low on detailed things to say about Disneyland. But there is a growing roster of Disney theme park resorts around the world, only one other I have had any experience of, and that was...nearly 30 years ago, if you can believe it. So there's a whole lot I haven't seen in person, but in this day of YouTube and GoPros, I can get a pretty good impression of them regardless—easily enough for me to develop Opinions about which ones intrigue me the most.

Some of you have more money and vacation time than I do, so maybe you can tell me whether my Opinions are backed up by Facts?

Anyway, here my five favorite Disney attractions that I've never (yet) been to in person!

5. Pandora: The World of Avatar (Disney's Animal Kingdom)

Avatar is a danged odd property for Disney to decide to include in its parks. I mean, it's not like it ever had any connection to the parks or the Disney studios before. It's not like anyone even talked about it much once the theatrical run ended and the buzz died down. Are you ready for a deep dark confession? I've never seen Avatar. Yeah!

However! It turns out it's actually a really good prospect for theme parking! What everyone remembers about Avatar is the fictional ecology of Pandora: the fantastic animals and plants of this exotic planet, and of course the resident intelligent beings, the Na'vi. In other words, the most striking thing about the movie is not its plot or characters but its setting. If nothing else, it instilled in its audience a strong desire to visit Pandora, and now...that's actually possible! That's pretty cool!

And from what I've seen in promotional videos and guest reviews, the execution is pretty danged impressive. Animal Kingdom's Pandora includes floating islands, water features, mechanical flora and fauna, bioluminescence, and detailed environmental storytelling. Funnily enough, I'm sorta lukewarm about the two rides, but I would love the opportunity to just walk around and experience this imaginative exoplanet setting.

4. Pirates of the Caribbean: Battle For the Sunken Treasure (Shanghai Disneyland)

It remains a source of frustration to me that the Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise has overshadowed public awareness of the Best Theme Park Ride Ever Created to the extent that it has, but building a new ride inspired by the movies is already miles better than adding movie characters to the classic ride. Moreover, Shanghai's Pirates really looks like a return to form for Imagineering—a decently long (eight minutes or so) ride featuring state-of-the-art audio-animatronics, gorgeously detailed sets, and practical effects. Yes, it uses screens, and some of them are quite large, but they aren't there as an excuse not to build physical scenes. Rather, the projections are used for large backgrounds and intense motion that can't currently be done via animatronics, and since there's at least one instance where the projected images integrate with the real props much as I suggested in this post, I forgive them.

It loses a few points for the movie tie-in—they surely could have created an even more original scenario that was just as good using this technology—but on the whole, this is a good'un.

3. Sindbad's Storybook Voyage (Tokyo DisneySea)

Tokyo DisneySea is, without a doubt, the Disney park I wish I could visit the most. (Epcot is a close second and far more accessible, so...yeah.) This ride is one of the reasons why. The concept might be unique: a ride based on a fairy tale that Disney had never before adapted, for film or any other medium. This is the Disney version of the Sindbad story. It's essentially told in third-person perspective, but this blog post describes how it still manages to involve the guest audience via staging.

Plus it's sweet, colorful, adds a new Ear Worm to the playlist of Disney ride theme songs, and just makes you feel good all over.

Also, Chandu is a far better cuddly animal mascot than Duffy the Disney Bear.

2. Mystic Manor (Hong Kong Disneyland)

The Haunted Mansion is pretty great in all its incarnations (except the holiday version), but Mystic Manor really ups the ante. They couldn't tell a Western-style ghost story in China, where the spirits of the dead have an important cultural role that's completely incompatible with horror spookery. So instead the Imagineers cooked up this ride taking place in a house stuffed to the gills with art and relics from around the world, which all come to life under the influence of an enchanted music box. It's pretty heavy on the projections, but they are mostly used for surface-level effects such as moving paintings, creeping frost on walls, etc.

The whole thing is trackless, which is cool I guess, but that's less important to me than the visual spectacle and surprises offered by this ride.

If I have one complaint, it's that I wish Henry Mystic didn't have such an exaggerated cartoon design. He's supposed to be part of the SEA, yeah? A very serious scholarly adventuresome organization that could exist in the real world? What's he doing looking like a third-tier character from Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers?

And my top pick...

1. Journey to the Center of the Earth (Tokyo DisneySea)

This is the other main reason Tokyo DisneySea is my top pick. An even more exotic bioluminescent ecosystem than Pandora, intriguing animatronic creatures, a kickass musical theme (composed by Buddy Baker!), and a climactic encounter with a ferocious predator that leads to a thrilling high-speed escape! What's not to love? What's not to crave?

So who wants to give me, like, $20,000 so I can make all this happen?