After-Action Report: Matterhorn Bobsleds

The Matterhorn has come up several times since I started this blog. I've examined its role in the sub-themes of Fantasyland, pegged its 1978 upgrades as an important Disneyland milestone, unraveled (some of) the secrets of the heraldic shields in its queue area, and even suggested a tongue-in-cheek idea for a holiday overlay. The one thing I haven't done yet is devote an entire post to the ride itself. With large swaths of the country currently resembling the Matterhorn's upper slopes, now seems like a good time!

First things first: I love the Matterhorn Bobsleds. It was the first roller coaster I, as a small child, ever mustered the courage to ride, and it might be my favorite coaster in Disneyland to this day, thanks to its fanciful theming. For some reason—probably the rarity of my encounters with the real thing—I have always found snowscapes and ice crystals absolutely enthralling.

But my quirks aside, there's definitely a lot that's special about the majestic Matterhorn.

Armchair Imagineering: PVC Figurines

(Tip of the hat to fellow-blogger and commenter Cory Gross, whose recent post about his kitbashed Disney board game Talismouse started a conversation which led to this post.)

This is going to be a bit of a different Armchair Imagineering post than the usual. Instead of sharing my grand ideas for rides, attractions, and holiday overlays, this one is about...souvenirs. Merchandise. Swag.

Souvenirs are obviously a big part of Disneyland, but most of the ones available seem to revolve around Disney's film and television IPs. It's not difficult to see why this is: It's easier to sell people stuff they recognize than stuff that might be brand-new to them. Tourists are having a terrific time at the park, to be sure, but they might not be falling in love with the individual attraction characters to the extent that they're willing to blow their memorabilia budget on Hitchhiking Ghosts when that Winnie the Pooh plush is right there, promising to make them feel like a kid again. So there's a lot more of the latter than the former lining the shelves.

Then, too, most of the merchandise that specifically references the park treats Disneyland* like a holistic entity, with little attention paid to its individual components. If you had only tee-shirts and picture frames to go by, you could easily be forgiven for thinking that the place consisted only of a castle with animated characters cavorting around it:

Celebrating 60 Years of Painfully Generic Branding

More specific items exist, of course...but the execution is inconsistent. There are pins, if you're into that sort of thing, and the odd plush toy. Beyond that, things start to get pretty pricey. At the low end, a handful of the popular Ear Hat Ornaments are based on rides, but they're twenty-five bucks a pop, making it a daunting task to build a collection. That, and they're Christmas tree ornaments based on Mickey Mouse ear beanies, meaning that the rides in question are not being allowed to stand on their own as souvenirs. The “purer” the attraction merchandise gets, the more expensive it gets. If you love more than one ride for its own sake, but you're not rich, it can be all but impossible to express your love via knickknacks.

“E-Ticket”...You Keep Using That Word

This one is less a thought about Disneyland and more a thought about the Disneyland/Disney theme parks fandom. Apologizing in advance if it gets a little ranty.

I keep seeing Disneyland fans demand more “E-tickets.” No major change at the park—at any park—is considered complete without one. People like to speculate about what “lesser” attractions they would sacrifice in order to have more rides with this coveted top-tier status, and how feasible the replacement would actually be. And of course when it comes to imagining future developments, existing E-tickets are considered sacrosanct, while anything else is up for grabs, automatically considered expendable. To hear some tell it, the park would be better if it consisted of nothing but E-ticket rides.

I strenuously disagree, of course. The main reason, with which many others will concur, is that there's a lot more to Disneyland than just its flashiest, most popular rides. The attractions not usually considered E's are vital for pacing one's day and maintaining the park's signature family atmosphere, as well as often being highly enjoyable in their own right.

But there's another reason I wish my fellow fans would stop their single-minded fixation on “E-tickets.” To be blunt...the term doesn't mean anything. Not concretely. At best, it's used as shorthand for any of several concepts, none of which really holds up under scrutiny.

Here, let me go over them...

What's Wrong With Disney California Adventure

Is it safe yet? Are the holidays over?

I kid, of course. I truly, genuinely, sincerely, unironically love the winter holidays...but they can be exhausting, can't they? So many obligations! And it seems like there's never enough time and money to make them quite as special as you want to, and then before you know it the whole shebang is over and rather than coming down gently, society's collective spirit drops off a freaking cliff. And there are still a couple of months of winter left, but you can't delight in it properly because in our culture celebrating winter is joined at the hip with Christmas imagery* and people will look at you funny.

Sorry, I'm rambling. What I'm really here to talk about today is Disney California Adventure. We can pretend it's my New Year's Resolution to give more attention to Disneyland's sister park...that way it won't be so shocking when I go right back to ignoring it after this.

Kidnap the Magic: NOS Holiday Wall Decoration

Don't you love New Orleans Square during the holidays? I do. It's totally gorgeous.

Oooooh!

Aaaaaaaahhhh!

Damn, I miss the Court of Angels.

These days, the lampposts receive arrays of décor like this:

Originally, though, they were decorated in a slightly more restrained fashion with the ornaments on and in a base of evergreen. That's how it was some years ago when I decided to try my own version of a New Orleans Square-style Christmas decoration, and that's what I'm going to instruct you in here. Since very few of us have 19th-Century vintage wrought-iron lampposts handy to hang things on, this can go on your wall or door, like a wreath. It's a very modular project, and no glue is involved so you can disassemble it after the holidays are over and perhaps try varying it up in years to come! You can find most of what you need at any big craft store such as Michael's or Jo-Ann's.

Armchair Imagineering: Krampus Bobsleds

Before we begin, I just want to note that I’m basically kidding with this one.

Basically.

Mostly.

Sort of.

But it would still be pretty awesome, in an offbeat sort of way, if they did something like this.

After Action Report: A Christmas Fantasy Parade

Do you remember what Christmas was like when you were little? About seven or so? When snow was only for playing in (and not shoveling), when you could not imagine ever getting tired of eating cookies, when new toys were intoxicating? Do you remember when you wrote actual letters to Santa Claus and then lay awake at night on Christmas Eve to see if you could catch him in the act?

Do you remember?

Someone obviously does...because someone distilled those memories, that feeling, and used the concentrate as the basis for “A Christmas Fantasy,” Disneyland's seasonal parade since 1994.