Armchair Imagineering: The Ideal Kingdom

It's inevitable. Dabble in Armchair Imagineering long enough, and sooner or later you'll get the urge to try your hand at designing an entire park. There are two main ways people go with such a project—either they attempt to put together their personal Platonic ideal of a Disneyland-style “Kingdom” park,* or they craft their own answer to Universal Islands of Adventure with a bunch of Disney's purchased IPs.

This is an example of the former.

It's times like this when I really wish I could draw well. I would love to be able to create a tentative map of my vision here, or some concept art for the original attraction ideas. But alas, that gift is not mine, so you and I are stuck with text.**

My goals here are severalfold. I wish to distill my 40 years of Disneyland memories into something that hits all the sweet spots of both my nostalgia and my current tastes, while also having things to offer the younger generation of fans. I want to iron out some of the wrinkles that have resulted from decades of making-it-up-as-they-go-along, while still preserving the charm that this methodology has produced. I want a park that's chock-a-block with things to do, at all levels of intensity, while still having room to grow. I want immersive worlds that are just complete enough to prompt guests to fill in the blanks themselves. I want to get back to the principle that the guest experience is primary.

A great deal of what follows will be intimately familiar. Hopefully, enough of it won't be to constitute a transformative improvement. Or at least to be intriguing.

Overall

In the first place, I envision a Disneyland that was able to claim a lot more space at the outset. Most of the lands are bigger, though the extra space is mainly located at the margins, occupied by show buildings and potential expansion pads, keeping the walkway areas about as cozy as the ones we know. Traffic congestion is managed not by building wider walkways but by having more of them—alternate routes and winding side paths that not only drain people off the main routes but contain immersive details and encourage exploration.

I want this to be a park with enough to do that people can feel like they've had a full day of fun even if they don't hit a single ride as such. Live entertainment will be ample, as will non-ride attractions. The food options are varied and high-quality (this is something Disneyland actually does right already) and the shops are more specific to their themed areas.

So without further ado, on to the lands!

Main Street, USA

You know what? I'm not so sure a Disney park needs a Main Street anymore. Back in 1955, no one had ever experienced anything like Disneyland before, and Main Street, USA served the vitally important function of easing the guests into the idea. But nowadays, everyone knows more-or-less what to expect from a theme park in general. Plenty of theme parks—not usually ones built by Disney, granted—are comfortable just chucking you straight into the adventures as soon as you walk in the front gate, and no one seems to mind.

That said, it's expected that any “Kingdom” park will have a Main Street or the equivalent. It's become an iconic thing unto itself, and it still does serve valuable functions like containing numerous breakfast eateries and being the main leg of the parade route. My Main Street is very similar to the one we have, with the following major exceptions:

• It's significantly wider in order to accommodate the Main Street Vehicles on higher crowd-level days. I think it's a sorry shame that they have to stop running the vehicles as soon as the foot traffic picks up even a little.
• The Main Street Opera House has no permanent show, not even “Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln.” New documentary-style featurettes are produced on the regular, coordinating with the changing exhibits in the adjacent Disney Gallery. However...
• The Abe Lincoln audio-animatronic is a triumph in itself as well as a major milestone of Disney theme park history, and I am not putting it in mothballs. Instead, I am completely re-imagining “Great Moments” as a more intimate, up-close attraction—a recreation of President Lincoln's Oval Office, which guests visit in batches of a couple dozen at a time, to spend a few minutes with the Great Emancipator. A Lincoln meet-and-greet. No hugs or handshakes, obviously, but a brief Q&A might be possible with someone offstage directing the figure's words and actions. It might be safer to just have a scripted exchange between Lincoln and the Cast Member on-duty, though.
• This is the only land to sell “generic” Disney merchandise in any great quantities, with the shops elsewhere being more specifically themed. Toys, clothing, knickknacks, you name it, and featuring just about any character you like (or any aspect of the park itself). This principle also applies to the characters you might find meeting and greeting on Main Street. Any character who isn't in such high demand as to require a dedicated meet-and-greet spot (and even sometimes ones that are) might be found ambling around Main Street.

Adventureland

Adventureland has grown a lot over the last 63 years, but it still holds up pretty well. Only Aladdin's Oasis is seriously out of place, and they're fixing that. My changes to Adventureland involve making it bigger in order to accommodate one more major attraction, and shuffling the locations of a few things to tighten up the layout.

As a rule, this area puts “civilization”—shops and so forth—along one side of the walkway, and the wild areas with their adventurous attractions on the other. The only exception has been the Tahitian Terrace/Aladdin's Oasis/Tropical Hideaway location, which sits incongruously on the jungle side. My version puts the Tropical Hideaway on the shops side. The list of attractions, starting from the land's entrance, is as follows:

• Spirit of Adventure: The new addition, a simulator ride in the vein of Star Tours (which, as you will see, has been omitted from my park), with randomized sequences inspired by the events of the movie Up. Ride a flying house through the jungles and canyons of Paradise Falls, Venezuela!
• Enchanted Tiki Room.
• Jungle Cruise.
• Castaway's Treehouse. Located on a bank of the jungle river.
• Indiana Jones Adventure.

Character appearances and merchandise in Adventureland can be drawn from the various movies with tropical settings: The Jungle Book, The Lion King, Moana, etc. I'm actually pretty fond of the non-IP-related merch sold in the Adventureland Bazaar—the fair-trade musical instruments and similar—and would definitely keep that stuff around, perhaps splitting it up among different carts in the Tropical Hideaway in order to bring across the “trader's market” aspect.

The Tropical Hideaway itself includes not just merch carts, but the area's major eatery (an expanded version of the Bengal Barbecue) and a small stage for tropic-themed performances and character meet-and-greets.

New Orleans Square

A lot—maybe most—of the projects of this type that I have seen don't include New Orleans Square. They follow the Orlando model instead, with Liberty Square in its place (and Pirates of the Caribbean in Adventureland). But nuts to that, this is my Disneyland, based on my nostalgia, and we have New Orleans Square.

As with Adventureland, the biggest change is having enough room to fit an additional ride, but there's also a lot of restoration going on here: the return of shops carrying unique lines of classy merchandise, the re-opening of the Court of Angels to the public and re-installation of the smaller forced-perspective windows in Club 33.

Attractions:

• Pirates of the Caribbean. The one-and-only. The movie references have been removed. Not entirely sure what to do about the bride auction; I am gradually swinging around to the opinion that it needs to go, but I am very skeptical about the replacement we are getting and I don't have any solid ideas for a better replacement.
• Pirates Grotto. Pirate's Lair on Tom Sawyer Island is out-of-theme for Frontierland, but there's nothing inherently terrible about the basic concept, and Disneyland does need more explorable walk-through attractions. This is a supplemental attraction for Pirates of the Caribbean, housed in the same show building but accessed separately. The fun is in wandering through and finding all the hidden tableaus of pirates and treasure troves. Highlights for Disney aficionados include references to films such as Treasure Island (the live-action original), Peter Pan, and The Rescuers.
• Escape From the Shadowman! A Princess and the Frog dark ride.
• Haunted Mansion. I think I would save the Hatbox Ghost but otherwise go back to the pre-Constance version of the attic.

The expanded area allows for all the same dining options currently present, plus a “Tiana's Palace” to go along with the dark ride. I don't think even a larger New Orleans Square needs two gourmet table-service restaurants and the Blue Bayou isn't going anywhere, so Tiana's can be more on the level of the Creole Cafe or French Market.

Oh yeah, one more thing...I am reducing the presence of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Haunted Mansion Holiday goes up after Halloween with the rest of the Christmas season overlays, and its merchandise is made similarly seasonal. Seasonal theming is as important to me as area theming.

Critter Country

My Disneyland does not have Critter Country.

GASP!

It does have a close analog, discussed later on.

Frontierland

Frontierland is in pretty good shape as it is, although I am still a bit salty about the loss of Big Thunder Ranch. Naturally, my Frontierland has a ranch with live animals, a full-length Rivers of America with the sort of elaborate landscaping that was added recently when the river was truncated, and lots more besides! Here's the full attraction list:

• Frontierland Shootin' Exposition.

• Golden Horseshoe.
• Rivers of America and all associated attractions, including the Mark Twain Riverboat, S.S. Columbia, Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes, and Rafts to Tom Sawyer Island. If they can be made reliably safe, I would also bring back the Keelboats.
• Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.
• Circle D Ranch. I'm renaming it basically because I can. Besides being a beloved attraction in its own right, the ranch's placement helps to blend the theme of one of the adjacent lands.
• Backwater Amphitheatre. A spur loop on the back of the Rivers of America encloses a second island on which is an elaborate stage. The outer bank of the loop consists of amphitheatre seating with benches molded to resemble split logs. During the daytime, the amphitheatre hosts a Wild West stunt show. At night, the boat track is re-routed to circle the stage island for performances of Fantasmic!

Frontierland is one area whose merchandise has really suffered from homogenization (along with changing societal attitudes that make “cowboys and Indians” toys unpalatable to many). It really didn't need to—“Western” and “country” styles are popular motifs for fashion and home décor. My Frontierland has a clothing store, a kitchenware shop, a rock-and-mineral kiosk, and a space reserved for lease to Native-owned and operated arts-and-crafts businesses. That should still leave plenty of space for Toy Story and Pocahontas toys.

Zootopia

Tucked inbetween Frontierland, Fantasyland, and Toontown is my replacement for Critter Country, which in its current form is an utter hodgepodge of motifs loosely centered on the concept of animal characters. There's nothing remotely wrong with that as a concept, but Critter Country carries so much baggage from its history that I think it's best to start fresh.

The name Zootopia itself is technically a placeholder. My readers should know by now that I am not a fan of single-IP lands, and this is not one...which would make it a bit awkward to name it after the title setting of a single movie. But as of now I don't have any better ideas, and Zootopia is one of the major influences here.

So we have an urban neighborhood with architectural motifs clearly patterned after the organic shapes in the film Zootopia. Unlike Critter Country, where the major design direction seems to be where the community is (i.e. the sticks), here the focus is on who the community is: anthropomorphic animals. The worldbuilding of the film specifies that only mammals are included in this spec-fic, heading off some of the problems that often arise when telling such stories, but we'll have to brush that aside in order to accommodate a variety of attractions:

• Splash Mountain.
• The Country Bear Jamboree. Instead of their own dedicated playhouse, the bears are occupying a local theatre venue, with the implication that they might move on in the future and another act move in!
• Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
• Zootopia Express. A fast but gentle roller coaster through the major biome-mimicking neighborhoods of Zootopia, inspired by the train ride scene from the film.

Eateries include the Hungry Bear Restaurant and Jumbeaux's Ice Cream Parlor. The Country Bears make appearances in the meet-and-greet spot, as do characters from not just Zootopia and Song of the South, but Robin Hood, The Great Mouse Detective, and others.

Fantasyland

Fantasyland has always been an interesting case, with not just one single theme but several, deftly arranged so that they blend at the margins and don't interfere with each other. With more space to play with, this feature can be enhanced. My Fantasyland is subdivided into a few different “mini-lands,” differing slightly in focus but still blending together so that the integrity of the entire area is maintained.

The land's entrance takes the form of the original Sleeping Beauty Castle. I just can't bring myself to love any of the other castle variations as much as the one I grew up with. Immediately beyond is:

Royal Courtyard

The Royal Courtyard's sub-theme, as its name suggests, is the Princess brand and classic fairytale-type stories. It incorporates aspects of both the Fantasyland Courtyard in its current form, and Fantasy Faire. A few different attractions are accessible from its footprint:

• Castle Fairytale Tour. A variation on the Sleeping Beauty Castle walk-through attraction wherein, instead of a series of dioramas telling the story of Sleeping Beauty, the basic stories of all the major “Princess” movies are told with transforming dioramas (like the ones currently occupying the Emporium windows on Main Street), tapestries, and stained-glass windows. The displays can be swapped out as new movies are made or for special promotions.
• Royal Reception Room. A dedicated Princess meet-and-greet location, similar to the existing Royal Hall.
• Snow White's Scary Adventures.
• Rapunzel's Tangled Quest. A flume ride based on the film Tangled, as described in this tumblr post by semi-official Tangled fandom leader and one-time guest poster on this blog...my sister!
• Royal Carrousel. Pretty much just a renaming of the King Arthur Carrousel.

This is also the access point for the major Fantasyland eatery, the Be Our Guest restaurant, and the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique. At the far end, the walkway splits in two, leading to the other two mini-lands to the west and east.

Storybook Village

The attractions in this section of Fantasyland are keyed to those movies based on classic children's books rather than fairytales handed down over generations (even if the tales were codified by one writer or another at some point):

• Alice in Wonderland and Mad Tea Party.
• Peter Pan's Flight.
• Pinocchio's Daring Journey. (It catches a lot of flak for starting dark ride design down the “book report” path, but I still like it.)
• Pooh's Hunny Hunt. Located right on the border with Zootopia, as a nod to Pooh Bear's current location.
• Lilliputian Land Canal Boats. A boat ride past miniature scenes, very much like the Storybook Land Canal Boats but named as a throwback to the original plan for a “little people” ride.

Fantasy Fairground

This area has a circus/carnival theme, making it stylistically the most distinct of the three mini-lands. The Royal Carrousel sits on the border between it and the Royal Courtyard, helping to bridge the gap.

• Dumbo the Flying Elephant and Casey Junior Circus Train. Just as in the current park, the train track interweaves with the site of the canal boat ride.
• Toy Story Midway Mania. It's not a great ride no matter where they put it, but it obviously has its fans, and Fantasy Fairground needs something big.

Other features of Fantasy Fairground include a face-painting booth, magic shop, and several food stands offering typical carnival snacks.

Toontown

I don't think it needs to be called Mickey's Toontown, do you? It's not like he owns the whole place; he's too humble for that. In any case, for what it is, Toontown is mostly fine. My version isn't quite so wide-open and contains more shade trees. All the same character homes/meet-and-greet spots are there, plus the following:

• Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin.
• The Great Toontown Bank Heist.
• Toontown Park Bandstand. The location of performances by an improv comedy group—a Toon's purpose in life is to make people laugh!

International Land

You might have noticed a couple major omissions from my vision of Fantasyland. That's because they've been moved here, to a completely new area sandwiched between Fantasyland and Tomorrowland and based around the theme of multiculturalism. The link above describes International Land as if it were being added to Disneyland as it is, but this version is a little different.

• “it's a small world”
• Matterhorn Bobsleds
• All the World's a Stage. A “theatre-in-the-round” stage for demonstrations of folk dancing and other performing arts from around the world.

One of the major advantages of International Land is that it can be used to promote movies, such as Mulan and Coco, that contain a strong cultural element but don't fit well into the other area themes. The meet-and-greet spot is located in a beautifully landscaped “city park” type area with sections inspired by gardening and landscaping concepts from various countries.

Tomorrowland

I have to be honest: Tomorrowland is perhaps my greatest Armchair Imagineering weakness. Science-fiction and technology are not my comfort zones when it comes to flights of imagination and I've had a hard time designing a version of Tomorrowland from scratch. But at the same time, I am deeply unsatisfied with what Tomorrowland has become and want to change just about everything about it.

In this old post, I proposed a concept for Tomorrowland that would hopefully be more evergreen than other things they have tried, and more coherent than anything they've tried recently. In brief, the idea is to make Tomorrowland “the community of the future” without trying to pin down a specific timeframe. It's very soft sci-fi, even whimsical, but it's clear to me that the rapidly pace of technological and social evolution means any attempt at a “realistic” world of tomorrow is doomed to be outdated before the paint is dry.

Anyhow, these are the attractions I have come up with. It might seem a little sparse, so I welcome further suggestions provided they are in tune with my overall concept:

• Adventure Thru Inner Space. I wouldn't even update it, except maybe a couple effects. At this point, the datedness of the technology is a big part of its charm in all our memories.
• Magic Eye Theater. The inaugural show depicts a space probe's-eye-view of the solar system as it jets from one planetary orbit to the next, set to stirring symphonic music. The ease of making 3-D movies nowadays means that shows can be rotated frequently enough to maintain guest interest.
• Space Mountain.
• SFIT Expo. A more whimsical take on the basic idea of Innoventions, housed in a restored Carousel Theater. SFIT is of course the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology from the film Big Hero 6, and giving this attraction a fictional framing device allows for fiction-based technology “demonstrations” in addition to sponsored real-world ones. Imagine seeing presentations by Stark Industries (MCU) and InventCo (Meet the Robinsons) right alongside those by Honda and Microsoft. Even the denizens of other planets, imagined just for Tomorrowland, could share their inventions in such a venue.
• Submarine Voyage and Interplanetary Rovers. The subs and reimagined Autopia, fulfilling my fond dream of having these two attractions be re-framed as exploration of an alien planet's sea and surface, respectively.
• PeopleMover. The return of a fan favorite.

Please note the total absence of anything Star Wars-related. If you find this odd in light of the fact that I have not proposed any sort of Star Wars land for my park, consider this: I'm just kind of sick of Star Wars being shoved in my face every time I go to Disneyland. Honestly? That source material can support an entire park all on its own. They're short-selling it by just building a themed land.

You may also notice the absence of the Disneyland Monorail. Read on to find out why that is!

Other

Tying up a few loose ends here with things that don't belong to any one land:

• Disneyland Railroad. The stops are in Main Street, New Orleans Square/Frontierland, Zootopia/Fantasyland/Toontown, and International Land/Tomorrowland. And of course the dioramas are included.
• Disneyland Monorail. Rather than an in-park attraction, the Monorail serves a pure transportation function like its Walt Disney World counterpart, cycling between the Esplanade, Disneyland Hotel, and whatever else my imagination eventually adds to this resort.

And with that...I am tired. See you next week!

* I've also seen this template referred to as “castle parks,” but to me Castle Park is a cheesy mini-golf chain.

** And our imaginations.