Unauthorized Fun: The Stormy Weather Tour

So it's been raining, here in sunny Southern California, and we're all a little confused. It kinda makes me envy those Annual Passholders who are in college or whatever and can just jet down to the park whenevs, because Disneyland is lovely in the rain. It's cool, much of the crowd dissipates, and it's especially nice after dark, with all the lights reflecting in the wet pavement.

But if you think about it...every day at Disneyland is a stormy one, at least if you use your imagination. A surprisingly high number of attractions use storm imagery to set the mood, drive the plot, and/or shake things up. Howling winds, torrential rains, thunderbolts—all these can be found in abundance throughout the park, in the form of special and practical effects. With a little creative planning, you could spin a little “meta-story” out of some of them.

And creativity is, after all, what my Unauthorized Fun category is all about!

It does not need to be literally raining for you to take advantage of this unofficial tour; in fact, you'll have more control over the beats of the “story” if there's no real weather to contend with. On the other hand, a little real rain wont hurt you either. It's just for fun, after all.

Let's start the tour!

It Came From the Fandom: Disneyland Halloween Costumes

Anyone remember this post? No? Fair enough; it was an awfully long time ago by blog standards. I guess that means I'm not repeating myself too badly if I do another post about Disneyland-themed costumes!

First, I should probably go ahead and re-post my photo collage from...jeez Louise, five years ago at this point. AKA “That Time I Was the Small World Clock Tower For Halloween”:

Not pictured: my dignity

(If you're wondering, how did she do that?, please follow the link above. If on the other hand you're wondering, why did she do that?, I'm afraid I can't help you. Who knows why wackos like me do anything?)

In sharing the above with the internet, I have definitely outed myself as one of the geekiest of the Disneyland geeks. Disney Halloween costumes are thoroughly mainstream (and sold in the parks in children's sizes), but Disneyland Halloween costumes are the domain of the truly obsessed and, with very few exceptions, require DIY skills to achieve. So when you see someone walking around dressed as an iconic character from the parks—or even worse, an iconic structure (*cough*)—you know you're witnessing a True Believer at work.

We're rare, but we're out there. For this week's post, I'll share some of the ones I found perusing Google.*

(Disclaimer: Not all of these people are celebrating Halloween. Some of them are at conventions, including D23.)

The 5 Scariest Disneyland Resort Attractions (That Aren't the Haunted Mansion)

There is a school of thought, concerning theme park attractions, that says: Scarier = Better. (It often overlaps with the related Faster = Better school.) Naturally, it comes to the fore during the fall season, when temporary Halloween attractions pop up everywhere and try their best to scare the pants off everyone who pays good money to experience them, and occasionally succeed.

Disney theme parks don't usually fare too well on the Scarier = Better scale. WDI tends to take a middle-of-the-road approach with attraction content, avoiding both the too-saccharine and the too-horrific. Exceptions, especially on the too-horrific end of the scale, come across as “not Disney enough” and may not last as long as they probably would in someone else's park. It's something of a pity—it would be nice if the world's finest attraction builders got to stretch themselves a little more, instead of having to stick within the bounds of a PG/soft PG-13 rating.

Regardless, Disney rides are not scary. At least, they don't have a reputation for being scary. Depending on the guest, they can be quite scary indeed...not always on purpose! The Haunted Mansion is the obvious example of a Disney attraction that is considered at least mildly spooky—so obvious that for this post, I decided it would be more fruitful to set it aside and talk about others instead.*

So here are—in my estimation—the five scariest non-Haunted Mansion Disneyland Resort attractions!

(Disclaimer: None of them actually scare me, nor ever have. Even when I was little, I think I had too firm a grasp of reality to be actually frightened by Disneyland. I knew it was all pretend and couldn't really hurt me.)

Flipping the Script: The Matterhorn

 THIS NEVER POSTED? WTF, BLOGSPOT?

It occurred to me the other day that I've probably attracted some new readers with my Tumblr cross-blogging...so assuming you're out there, welcome aboard! You'll get the hang of things around here pretty quickly, but to assist the process, here's a “cheat sheet” for the major kinds of posts I am in the habit of making.

When you see the After-Action Report tag, I'm reviewing and/or commenting on a current attraction—you could theoretically drop in on the Anaheim resort the next day to fact-check me. Sentimental Paleontology, by contrast, is for my thoughts on extinct attractions. (Get it? Extinct...paleontology? Get it? Dangit, I explained the joke. Never explain the joke.)

Armchair Imagineering is where I stash my detailed ideas for things that could be added to the park, in a parallel timeline if not this one. It is distinct from Imagineering Theory, which is more about the principles of attraction design.

With Unauthorized Fun, I offer potential ways to enjoy Disneyland that you won't find in any brochure. And then there's Kidnap the Magic, wherein I offer potential ways to take Disneyland home with you...that you won't find in any brochure. (This is how I label the posts regarding my themed parties, of which there are embarrassingly many, and my craft projects, of which there are embarrassingly few.)

In Source Materials posts, I examine how things and concepts from the real world are used to great effect inside the parks. On the other hand, there are also Beyond Blue Sky posts, where I pull out all the stops on my wildest fantasies, and the topic is often how things and concepts from the parks could be used elsewhere.

Huh, I never realized before how many matched pairs of topic categories I was setting up.

The last few post categories don't line up so neatly, however. The Second Sense is a tag I put on any post dealing primarily with in-park music (especially area music) and other audio. It Came From the Fandom is something I pull out when I run short of time and ideas—I bang out a quick post promoting a Disneyland-related thing from elsewhere on the internet. (We just had a nice example last week.)

And finally, the newest post category, introduced right near the end of 2017: Flipping the Script, wherein I propose a rough outline—more than an elevator pitch, but less than a full treatment—for a film based on an attraction that doesn't have one yet.

And that's what this week's post is! What luck!

Blogiversary Special!!! The Last Three Years in (Brief) Review

Today marks the third anniversary of the launch of the Disneyland Dilettante. I know, right? Looking back, this blog has certainly had its ups and downs…but then so has the Disneyland Resort.

Is it time to go year by year? I think it’s time to go year by year.

2015

The big deal in 2015 was, of course, Disneyland’s Diamond Anniversary, which this blog celebrated with the 60 Diamonds project. My aim back then was to find something enjoyable that began at Disneyland each year it had been in operation, and—crucially—that was still there to be enjoyed in the present. I made it, even if I had to fudge the definition of “began” from time to time…but in pretty short order, some of my Diamonds started dropping off the map. Looking through the list now is a pretty sobering experience.

The Diamond Anniversary itself was…fine, I guess. I can give—no pun intended—glowing reviews to the Paint the Night parade and the new iteration of World of Color…but on the whole, it paled in comparison to the 50th Anniversary. It just didn’t get anywhere near the same level of celebratory spectacle. I was particularly disappointed with the new fireworks show, Disneyland Forever, which hardly had anything to do with Disneyland per se and deserved neither the title nor the auspicious release timing.

It’s worth noting, of course, that the Diamond Anniversary wasn’t the only thing going on in 2015. Two important rides received important upgrades. The Matterhorn’s Yeti was turbo-charged into a more state-of-the-art, scarier monster, complete with a sense of backstory. Even more momentous, the Haunted Mansion saw the re-introduction of its long-lost Hatbox Ghost…now with technology that, you know, works!

Sadly, at the end of the year, the wheels were set in motion for the construction of the Star Wars themed area (still in progress). I have made my peace with the fact that Galaxy’s Edge is going to be a thing, and I will even allow that it’s probably going to be a very cool thing. But dangit, the loss of Big Thunder Ranch still stings.

2016

I'm going to go ahead and call 2016 The Year of Star Wars Harshing Our Disneyland Buzz. Not only did the aforementioned start of construction result in half of Frontierland shutting down and the Disneyland Railroad going on a long hiatus, but the supposedly temporary Season of the Force overlay in Tomorrowland just hung around for the entire year. Space Mountain became an X-Wing battle adventure, the Carousel Theater became a museum, the Magic Eye Theater started showing something called Path of the Jedi,* and the Jedi Training Academy...continued.

I didn't spend much time in Tomorrowland that year.

The Resort as a whole mostly just chugged along in 2016, but California Adventure finished strong by introducing the Festival of Holidays and World of Color: Season of Light, both of which came back for a second round this past holiday season.

And then they closed the Tower of Terror. It was as if millions of palms suddenly hit millions of faces in exasperation, and were just as suddenly ignored.

2017

If 2015 was a net positive and 2016 an overall holding pattern, 2017 was a mixed bag. Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakfast Breakdance Breakout opened where the Tower of Terror once had been, and was an instant smash hit despite being one of the most pointless attraction revamps in theme park history. Also, John Lasseter announced plans to plaster Pixar characters over the entirety of Paradise Pier and pretend it's a “theme.”

But on the other hand, the Rivers of America and Disneyland Railroad re-opened, all shiny and new and not half bad considering the changes that had to be made to make room for Star Wars. And speaking of shiny...

NO

...they brought back the actual, legitimate Main Street Electrical Parade for several months. As gifts to fans go, that's a pretty sweet one.

On the other other hand...Pirates. Ordinarily, the announcement that Pirates of the Caribbean's infamous wench auction scene would be redesigned to be less, um, human trafficky, would have me thinking “Well, let's wait and see.” But the changes have already taken place in Paris, and reports from discerning guests are that the new version is not only boring and nonsensical, but defeats its own purpose—sure, the redhead is no longer being sold at auction, but neither is she subtly, smugly in control of the situation. I have mixed feelings about the prospect of changing the scene to begin with, but...they damn well better figure out how to reconcile contemporary values with the needs of art before the finest theme park attraction ever built is irrevocably altered for the worse.

So where does all this leave us, as of 2018? Based on the reactions of some fans to the above plans for the parks...nowhere good. People are outright leaving the Disney theme park fandom over stuff like this. Once-prolific blogs are falling by the wayside. I don't want the Disneyland Dilettante to be one of them, but I have to admit that maintaining a weekly posting schedule is nowhere near as effortless as it once was.

That's why I am announcing a new offshoot of this blog: The Disneyland Dilettante on Tumblr! I will still do my best to bring you new content here every week, but whether I succeed or not, I'll be maintaining the conversation with other theme park fans over there.

Here's to the future!

* A retrospective on the film franchise, I think?

Imagineering Theory: The Range of Mountains

Disney likes to set thrill rides in mountains. One possible reason is pragmatic—the conical shape of a mountain makes a good base structure for a track, and the protruding peak is a natural “weenie” making it easy for guests to find the exciting ride. Another could very well be thematic—mountains are places of adventure. They are the lairs of monsters, the strongholds of villains, things to climb or cross in the name of exploration. A mountain is a semi-self-contained environment, a perfect canvas for the theming that Disney so excels in.

I've identified three key ingredients that make each of Disneyland's “mountains” unique. Each one has a distinctive Setting, an exotic and memorable environment. Its track has a particular characteristic, a Track Quirk, that harmonizes with the setting and imparts a little something more to the kinetic aspect of the ride than a standard roller coaster. And it offers a Threat, turning a simple fast and/or bumpy ride into a story with the riders at the center.

So this week, I'll summarize how the five mountains of the Disneyland Resort use these ingredients, and then propose a couple of entirely new variations on the recipe.

Imagineering Theory: You're Just Projecting

I am not a big fan of digital projections and similar technology in theme parks.

It's not that it's not cool stuff in itself. I can definitely appreciate the accomplishments of computing and optics required for it to work, and some of its applications are downright stunning. It's thanks to digital projection that we can actually look into the eyes of Mara:

The Buzz Lightyear animatronic in the queue of his ride is pretty sharp, and his mobile face is achieved via LED screen technology:

So this family of technologies definitely has its place. What I dislike about it is the way it seems to be...taking over. Nearly every new attraction being built these days uses screens and/or digital projections in some way, and they have been added to several attractions that didn't previously use them. This would be fine enough if it were a reliable way of improving an attraction, but in practice the results are quite mixed, ranging all the way from “Wow, awesome!” to “Okay, um, why?” and hitting pretty much every point inbetween.

The thing is, there isn't just one reason why these types of effects can be underwhelming. It's actually a tricky realm to navigate, and I hope Imagineering treads carefully in the future so as to avoid the pitfalls and show off their new toy at its best.

As for what those pitfalls are? Read on...