Sentimental Paleontology: These Were Snowflakes

Once upon a time, Monsanto was the good guy. Hard as it may be to believe in an age where they are perhaps best known for inventing scary Frankenfood crops and then suing small family farms out of existence for the crime of happening to be located downwind of them, there was a time when they were mostly associated with neat stuff. Astroturf, for instance. “Space Age” fabrics. And, most dramatically of all, Disneyland attractions. Monsanto sponsored no fewer than four Tomorrowland attractions at various points during the park's first fifteen years.

Most fans have heard of the House of the Future, that marvelous 100% synthetic dwelling (located where Pixie Hollow is today) that had to be dismantled with blowtorches because the wrecking ball bounced right off it. Fewer have heard of Fashions and Fabrics Through the Ages, a much less ambitious exhibit that didn't last long. It was located right next to the Hall of Chemistry, which was actually the first Monsanto attraction, going right back to Opening Day. The two neighbors closed in September 1966—the chemical engineering giant had bigger and better plans for the building they occupied. On August 5, 1967, there debuted something special. Something amazing. An actual ride, this time, instead of the mere walk-throughs the company had sponsored before.

It was once my favorite ride. It was also the first ride I lost.

After-Action Report: “it's a small world” (Part 1)

What would you say is the most overrated ride at Disneyland? That is, which one has the biggest gap between overall public acclaim and actual quality, with the quality on the low end of the equation?

I had to do some hard thinking to come up with my answer, but I think it's the Mad Tea Party.* It's an iconic ride, but iconic is not the same as impressive and if anything, it's a testament to the power of theming. Without its Wonderland morphsuit, it's just that old carnival standby, the Tilt-a-Whirl. An adorable paint job and familiar music have kept it successful for 60 years. Me, I've got better things to do with my Disneyland day than work a 90-second shift as the Amazing Human Spirograph.

Now, how about the most underrated ride? Which ride in the park is the most unjustly maligned by the public despite being in every way a classic? This one was a much clearer choice. The Mark Twain and Mr. Toad's Wild Ride both deserve longer lines than they get, but they lack the one trait a ride needs to be truly unfairly dismissed, and that is visibility. They aren't underrated so much as overlooked.

But there is one ride that has it all—an original concept, innovation, extraordinary artistic design, accessibility to all ages, an uplifting presence, and even its own theme song—yet routinely suffers outright mockery from the general public, from Disney's competitors, and from actual Cast Members.** That ride is the one, the only, “it's a small world.”

But you already knew that from the post title.

After-Action Report: Enchanted Tiki Room

I had so much fun assembling last week's post about hosting an Enchanted Tiki Room-themed luau that I decided to dedicate this week's article to the attraction itself.

Having already written one of these for the Jungle Cruise, the obvious thing to do is a compare-and-contrast between these two Adventureland attractions from Disneyland's first decade. So here it is: In addition to the two points of commonality already mentioned, the Jungle Cruise and the Enchanted Tiki Room both heavily feature comedy involving audio-animatronic tropical animals. And that's about it for similarities.

The Jungle Cruise is a boat ride, the Enchanted Tiki Room a stationary show. The Jungle Cruise evokes Africa, Southeast Asia, and South America, while the Enchanted Tiki Room evokes Hawaii. The animals in the Enchanted Tiki Room are all birds, while the Jungle Cruise showcases a few birds, lots of mammals, some reptiles, and even fish and insects. The Enchanted Tiki Room is about one-and-a-half times as long as the Jungle Cruise—over twice as long if you include the pre-show. The Enchanted Tiki Room revolves around music; the Jungle Cruise decidedly does not. The Enchanted Tiki Room presents a pre-programmed show that never varies, while the Jungle Cruise, thanks to its live spiel, is different every time.

Do I have to keep going?

Fresh, Clear, Well-Seasoned Perspective

Before I start diving into the nitty-gritty stuff, I thought I'd take a moment to explain my position vis-à-vis Disneyland—the formative experiences that led me to view the park the way I do.