Armchair Imagineering: The Ideal Kingdom

It's inevitable. Dabble in Armchair Imagineering long enough, and sooner or later you'll get the urge to try your hand at designing an entire park. There are two main ways people go with such a project—either they attempt to put together their personal Platonic ideal of a Disneyland-style “Kingdom” park,* or they craft their own answer to Universal Islands of Adventure with a bunch of Disney's purchased IPs.

This is an example of the former.

It's times like this when I really wish I could draw well. I would love to be able to create a tentative map of my vision here, or some concept art for the original attraction ideas. But alas, that gift is not mine, so you and I are stuck with text.**

My goals here are severalfold. I wish to distill my 40 years of Disneyland memories into something that hits all the sweet spots of both my nostalgia and my current tastes, while also having things to offer the younger generation of fans. I want to iron out some of the wrinkles that have resulted from decades of making-it-up-as-they-go-along, while still preserving the charm that this methodology has produced. I want a park that's chock-a-block with things to do, at all levels of intensity, while still having room to grow. I want immersive worlds that are just complete enough to prompt guests to fill in the blanks themselves. I want to get back to the principle that the guest experience is primary.

A great deal of what follows will be intimately familiar. Hopefully, enough of it won't be to constitute a transformative improvement. Or at least to be intriguing.

Armchair Imagineering: The Great Toontown Bank Heist

In a previous post, I roundly decried the plan to demolish Mickey's Toontown and replace it with “Star Wars Land.” As one of the reasons for this plan is Toontown's low traffic, I pointed out that when Bear Country was suffering from flat attendance, the solution wasn't to rip it out but to add a big attraction (and re-name it, but that's more a consequence of the Bear Country name being too specific in the first place). Here, then, is a description of the sort of ride I believe would do for Toontown what Splash Mountain did for the area now called Critter Country.

Mickey's Toontown vs. “Star Wars Land”

Here we go. This one's not gonna be much fun, but it needs to be said.

So it's official: The Mickey's Toontown area at Disneyland will be demolished to make room for a “Star Wars Land,” in order to capitalize on the upcoming new trilogy of Star Wars films.

To say this decision disappoints me falls far short of reality. To say it enrages me might be overstating the case, but only a little. I think it's a wretched idea, for several reasons which I shall now enumerate, running roughly in order of most personal to least personal.