The 5 Scariest Disneyland Resort Attractions (That Aren't the Haunted Mansion)

There is a school of thought, concerning theme park attractions, that says: Scarier = Better. (It often overlaps with the related Faster = Better school.) Naturally, it comes to the fore during the fall season, when temporary Halloween attractions pop up everywhere and try their best to scare the pants off everyone who pays good money to experience them, and occasionally succeed.

Disney theme parks don't usually fare too well on the Scarier = Better scale. WDI tends to take a middle-of-the-road approach with attraction content, avoiding both the too-saccharine and the too-horrific. Exceptions, especially on the too-horrific end of the scale, come across as “not Disney enough” and may not last as long as they probably would in someone else's park. It's something of a pity—it would be nice if the world's finest attraction builders got to stretch themselves a little more, instead of having to stick within the bounds of a PG/soft PG-13 rating.

Regardless, Disney rides are not scary. At least, they don't have a reputation for being scary. Depending on the guest, they can be quite scary indeed...not always on purpose! The Haunted Mansion is the obvious example of a Disney attraction that is considered at least mildly spooky—so obvious that for this post, I decided it would be more fruitful to set it aside and talk about others instead.*

So here are—in my estimation—the five scariest non-Haunted Mansion Disneyland Resort attractions!

(Disclaimer: None of them actually scare me, nor ever have. Even when I was little, I think I had too firm a grasp of reality to be actually frightened by Disneyland. I knew it was all pretend and couldn't really hurt me.)

After-Action Report: Radiator Springs Racers

I have a love-hate relationship with Cars Land. The Cars franchise may well be Pixar's weakest concept,* and it really has nothing to offer me in particular. There are several reasons, but for our purposes here, the main one is that I'm not interested in cars. Never have been. And especially in the context of a theme park, where I prefer to be surrounded by things I don't see and hear every hour of every day. If it had been my decision to make, I never would have put Cars in a Disney theme park, especially not to the extent of building an entire huge themed land.

And yet...

And yet...

I cannot deny that Cars Land, apart from the dumb name, is really, really well done. I mean, look at this:

And that's not even the town part. This is the town part:

This is Imagineering at its placemaking best. The attention paid to detail here is phenomenal. You walk into Cars Land, and you're there, in a tiny town in the American Southwest, with jagged cliffs of red sandstone in the distance. I'm sure it helped that they had the setting pre-rendered in three digital dimensions for their convenience, but they still had to figure out how to create it in three actual dimensions, and it's stunning work.

A lot of cleverness went into the execution. The businesses of Radiator Springs have been translated into typical theme park fixtures. The hippie VW bus's “organic fuel” station is a beverage stand, the paint shop is a clothing store, the souvenir shop is...a souvenir shop. Businesses with no ready counterpart have either been adjusted or made the sites of rides. But the area's tentpole attraction, Radiator Springs Racers, isn't located in the town at all—it takes place on the outskirts, amid those magnificent buttes seen in the top photo.

I actually haven't been on it many times—three or four, total, since it opened. This is because a) it's in the park I don't favor, b) it's Cars, and c) the wait time frequently tops two hours. But I never regret riding it. It's too dang good...maybe the best execution of a ride concept in years.

Actually, calling Radiator Springs Racers a ride is underselling it. It's three rides in one, plus a fantastically immersive queue that expands on the source material in a charming way. I'll start with the queue since—as mentioned above—we're going to be standing in it for a while.