Armchair Imagineering: Moana's Grand Voyage Parade

Remember when Disneyland used to run parades based on a single movie? It was a Nineties phenomenon—the Disney Renaissance was redefining theatrical animation, but the suits weren't quite ready to devote permanent theme park real estate to new films yet, so they went all-in on live entertainment. Some of the Renaissance movies were honored with summary stage adaptations (leaning heavily on the musical numbers, natch), others with parades, but one way or another, nearly every one of them got some sort of show all to itself.

I kinda miss that. Not just the creativity that went into spinning an entire full-length parade concept out of the imagery of just one film, but the frequency with which the parades were rotated as new movies were released. We had an average of about one new daytime parade every two years throughout the Nineties, whereas now? The last new daytime parade was rolled out in 2011—and granted, said parade is Mickey's Soundsational and I don't exactly have anything to complain about, and we've also gotten Paint the Night in the meantime, but that's still eight years without anything fresh for the daylight hours.

I sometimes think about what it would have been like if the single-film parade tradition had been maintained, or at least revived once Disney regained confidence in its animated features. It almost was—a parade was planned for The Princess and the Frog before being scaled back to just one unit* of Soundsational—and I can drive myself to distraction wondering what a Tangled parade would look like. Or a Wreck-it Ralph parade.

But by far the best 2010s candidate for adaptation into a parade is Moana. Disney Renaissance parades grew out of movies where it made some amount of sense in-universe to hold a parade or similar event. Aladdin's Royal Caravan was basically a fifteen-minute expansion of the Prince Ali sequence, the Mulan Parade was very much like a Chinese New Year parade with lion dancers, acrobats, and jugglers. Moana is a film about a personal journey wrapped up in a physical journey—how better to represent that than with an attraction that literally moves from one end of Disneyland to the other?

Board my boat and strap in while I take you through the Moana's Grand Voyage Parade!

Armchair Imagineering: Disneyland Tribute Parade

I haven't talked much on this blog about the massive celebration Disneyland held for its 50^th anniversary, dubbed the Happiest Homecoming on Earth. Some, but not much.

It was really, really awesome. Sleeping Beauty Castle was decked out with jewels, banners, and five gorgeous crowns on the turrets, each representing a different decade of Disneyland history. Those who enjoyed “find them all” type games had no fewer than three to dive into, one involving photomosaics built from photos sent in by guests, one involving mouse-eared “50” logos, and one involving pressed pennies. There was a retrospective film with Steve Martin,* and the best fireworks show ever.** It was so memorable and, dare I say it, magical that...I... mayhavewrittenfanfictionaboutit.

There was also a parade.

I'm not saying Walt Disney's Parade of Dreams was bad, but when put up alongside the other Golden Anniversary offerings, it was...too normal, maybe? Except for the first and last units, which popped in appropriate ways, it was a pretty standard 21^st Century Disney parade: about half a dozen floats referencing different animated movies, accompanied by appropriately costumed dancers. Every so often, they would remember why they were there and have a “show stop” involving golden flags and a new cover of the song “Welcome” from Brother Bear.***

It's almost like two parades were cut in half and mashed together: a conventional parade promoting popular movies, and a really unique one for the 50^th anniversary. And I just think that for such a momentous occasion, the whole thing should have been unique. Should have been about Disneyland, like the fireworks were.

There was certainly precedent. The Silver Anniversary, in 1980, featured both a parade and a live stage show that celebrated the park in a land-by-land fashion. And you know me—I'm all about those themed lands. So consider this the parade we should have gotten for the Happiest Homecoming...with a bonus feature of also being applicable to any park anniversary...or just in general. Disneyland shouldn't need an excuse to celebrate itself.

Any similarities with the 1980 parade are, believe it or not, purely coincidental. But also pretty much to be expected.

Some Pet Peeves

As much as I love Disneyland, there are some things about it that just...bug me. They aren't travesties. They aren't even necessarily negatives, objectively speaking. They just bug me. This post is going to be somewhat ranty—a Disneyland Dilettantrum, if you will—but given the nature of most of the pet peeves, consider it a plea for additional creativity.

After-Action Report: Disabled at Disneyland

Yes, the blog is still on hiatus due to Yours Truly's knee injury, but this topic intimately concerns said injury, so I figured I'd throw you a bone. (All, what, three of you?) I may do this from time to time until I'm properly back in the saddle and can commit to a weekly schedule again. The point is, a torn ACL, etc. is no excuse to cancel previously existing theme park plans, so the other day I got to undergo the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience.

My challenge was in fact twofold: 1) a complete inability to put weight on my left leg, and 2) this big honking immobilizing brace they're having me wear until further notice, additionally preventing me from bending said leg...unless I take it off, which is technically an option, but one I want to avoid as much as possible. I mention this because it serves as a contrast with my previous secondhand glimpses of the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience, with a party member who could walk, just not for hours at a time. No ride or attraction need be off-limits to such an individual. I knew from the outset that my situation was going to be a bit more dire than that.

So how did it work out? Here are some of the highlights. And lowlights.

Imagineering Theory: Thinking Beyond “Rides”

This is probably going to be a controversial opinion, but I think theme park fans get too hung up on rides.

No, not attractions. It's not a theme park—or any kind of leisure destination—without attractions. I do mean rides. I think many theme park fans obsess too much over, specifically, the sorts of attractions that physically move you around, to the point where the other sorts are rarely even discussed in the context of worthwhile things to do during a visit. Sometimes it goes further, to a veiled assertion that the more extreme the movement, the objectively “better” the ride is, but for now I'll stick to the simple dichotomy of ride vs. non-ride.

Isn't that nuts? To care only about rides and not about the many other kinds of attractions boasted at Disney theme parks? These places are known for so much more, but when was the last time you saw an Armchair Imagineer (besides me) attempt to design a parade or a show or even just a nice little nook to rest your feet?

Is it just that the potential variety of rides is more obvious? Do people have a hard time thinking up new twists to put on the other categories of attractions? Well, what kind of Dilettante would I be if I didn't have some ideas in that regard?

After-Action Report: The Main Street Electrical Parade

This past Tuesday, it was my very great privilege to experience, for the first time in over 20 years, one of the true classics of Disneyland's live entertainment traditions: the Main Street Electrical Parade!

Yes, I had seen the iteration that appeared for a few summers in California Adventure...but it wasn't right, you know? I'm not talking about the digitally remastered soundtrack, revised floats, or even the fact that they had Tinker Bell in the lead instead of the Blue Fairy. It was that it was supposed to be the Main Street Electrical Parade. The full name was fundamental. Transplanting it to a park without a Main Street couldn't help but cheapen it a little...and that's not even taking into consideration the awkward changes to the recorded introduction.*

Now—for the time being—the Electrical Parade has come home. It's about damn time.

But what is it that makes this parade so beloved? There is no shortage of awesome parades in Disneyland's history, from timeless charmers like the Christmas parades to audaciously hip experiments like Totally Minnie or The World According to Goofy. What is about this one that makes it the darling of veteran parkgoers such as myself? It can't just be that it's the park's most long-lived parade, because it wouldn't have been allowed to run so long if it hadn't been a major hit in the first place. The Main Street Electrical Parade is a Disneyland institution, as much as Space Mountain or “it's a small world” or complaining about how long the lines are. All those years it was absent felt more like a mistake than like normal parade turnover.

Anything lampooned by The Simpsons is a cultural institution by definition.

Armchair Imagineering: Hooray For Halloween Parade

The first Mickey's Halloween Party of the year is this Friday. I got to go to that thing in 2013. It wasn't as mind-blowing as the advertising (and price tag) would have you believe, but it was fun enough. There honestly wasn't that much going on that there wouldn't be on any normal Disneyland evening, it's just that on this occasion, it was Halloween-themed. Speaking as a grown-up, the best part was getting to wander around Disneyland in a costume. (I was the “it's a small world” Clock Tower.) The “candy stations” were nothing to write home about and I don't usually go in for rave dancing.

And then there was the unique live entertainment, which I would describe as a mixed bag. The “Cadaver Dans”—i.e. The Dapper Dans with ghoulish makeup and a spooky song repertoire—were a lot of fun. The “Halloween Screams” fireworks show is fantastic, and I think it's practically criminal that they only show it at the party. The parade, though—”Mickey's Costume Party Cavalcade”—was rather disappointing. It just felt very thrown-together, with cheap floats, uninspired music and dancing, and an overall lack of imagination and effort.

Orlando's Magic Kingdom, by contrast, has a Halloween parade—Mickey's Boo-To-You Halloween Parade—that's pretty dang slick..but rather than simply wish to have theirs imported over here,* I thought I'd Armchair Imagineer a better one from scratch! Inspired by the wonderful A Christmas Fantasy Parade, I would make this parade an elaborate, tightly themed spectacle that really brings across the spirit of the holiday in all its facets (or at least all the facets that are family-friendly enough for Disneyland). Accordingly, rather than spamming the most marketable characters, I would choose characters and IPs that actually reflect aspects of Halloween...while still including plenty of crowd-pleasers so the average guest can still find a favorite!

Disneyland Dilettante readers, I give you...the Hooray For Halloween Parade!

After-Action Report: Mickey's Soundsational Parade

Good evening! Can everyone in the back hear me okay?

Welcome to the first annual presentation of the Marchie Awards! Our purpose tonight is to honor excellence in the art of theme park parades. By an outlandish coincidence, all of our nominees for this ceremony are units in the same parade: Mickey's Soundsational Parade at Disneyland Park, Anaheim, California! Let's meet them! In order of appearance:

After Action Report: A Christmas Fantasy Parade

Do you remember what Christmas was like when you were little? About seven or so? When snow was only for playing in (and not shoveling), when you could not imagine ever getting tired of eating cookies, when new toys were intoxicating? Do you remember when you wrote actual letters to Santa Claus and then lay awake at night on Christmas Eve to see if you could catch him in the act?

Do you remember?

Someone obviously does...because someone distilled those memories, that feeling, and used the concentrate as the basis for “A Christmas Fantasy,” Disneyland's seasonal parade since 1994.

60 Disneyland Diamonds: 2006-2015

Here it is, then...the final Disneyland decade. Ten more Diamonds, and then I must move on to other things. We're in the home stretch now...more-or-less literally, for catching up to the present is a kind of homecoming.

If you're new to this blog, let's get you up to speed!

60 Diamonds Intro

60 Diamonds: 1956-1965

60 Diamonds: 1966-1975

60 Diamonds: 1976-1985

60 Diamonds: 1986-1995

60 Diamonds: 1996-2005

Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Here—we—go!