Kidnap the Magic: A Main Street, USA Memorial Day

I felt conflicted about this one at first. I am well aware that a significant portion of my regular readership is Canadian (Hi, Cory!), and there's not really anything here for people outside the United States. But then I thought, what the heck, it's not like anyone comments on the themed party ideas anyway. If I'm honest, I have to admit that posting them at all is pure self-indulgent self-congratulation on my part, the equivalent of standing on a table and waving my arms and shouting “I found a thing that's like another thing!” but with more and fancier words.

Anyway, it's been a while.

So tomorrow is Memorial Day in the U.S. It kind of snuck up on us, didn't it? Or maybe it's just me. If you have some kind of shindig arranged for your day off, now might be a little late to change those plans. But if you're reading this in the morning, you do technically have the entire rest of the day to tweak your decisions! Furthermore, Memorial Day marks the start of the American cultural summer season, which features patriotic holidays at regular intervals. One “U-S-A!” day is pretty much like another when it comes to party decorations and whatnot—you could apply these ideas to the Fourth of July or Labor Day or even Flag Day.*

So say you're a Disneyland fan who wants to host a Memorial Day or other patriotic holiday get-together, and as is your wont, you wish to mix a little theme park in there. Obviously you're going to go with some Main Street, USA flavor. Within the berm, Main Street and American patriotism are practically synonymous. (Although the thesaurus does list “Frontierland” under Related Words.)

This is no coincidence—unironic patriotism pretty much took its current form during the time period represented by Main Street—the last period, maybe, when Americans were still isolated and innocent enough that they could be loudly patriotic without implied belligerence or smugness toward any other countries? I don't want this to get heavy, though, so let's just say that Main Street's brand of wholesome, matter-of-fact national pride is what most people are usually going for with these holidays. In short, this sort of theming for this sort of party is perfectly natural, and if your guests don't already know you're gaga for Disneyland, this won't necessarily be what tips them off. (This may or may not be what you're hoping for.)

Sentimental Paleontology: Pop! Went the Weasel

Tomorrowland is a mess. This much is a largely agreed-upon fact in the Disneyland fan community. Saint Walt's Utopian Dream of the Future has Lost Its Way and become a ghastly mishmash of attractions with vague technology, science-fiction/fantasy, and even cartoon themes—mostly from IPs Disney has purchased, as opposed to creating in-house. It's probably true that the area is more inconsistent than ever before, but if we're completely honest with ourselves...we have to admit that “theme confusion” in Tomorrowland is nothing new. It arguably goes right back to Opening Day, when budget shortfalls forced Walt to fill Tomorrowland with corporate sponsors who had much more to say about what they were doing in the present than about what they would do in the future. But those exhibits at least had a scientific or technological bent that worked with the area.

So let's try a different approach. What was the last major Tomorrowland attraction to be straightforwardly futuristic rather than taking a sideways leap into science-fantasy or sillier? I think you could make a case for Space Mountain, which debuted in 1977.* It is first and foremost a roller coaster (in the dark!), but it appears to take place in a setting where people hop into tiny rockets and go zooming around the asteroids for fun. That's fanciful, but it's at the harder end of the science-fiction scale. Personal spacecraft launching from a space station are a believable future technology.

But even by the time Space Mountain made the scene, Tomorrowland already hosted a ride that had nothing to do with the future or outer space or science or technology.** That ride was America Sings, a brief history in four acts (plus an introduction and an epilogue) of American music as demonstrated by audio-animatronic cartoon animal characters. Described so brusquely, it almost sounds like a parody of Disney attractions, like the sort of thing that would be featured in an episode of The Simpsons lampooning the whole institution, while those in the know would be aware that all of those individual elements could be found in abundance throughout Disneyland, but never all in the same attraction.

But they were all in the same attraction. America Sings was sort of a distillation of Disney park tropes of its era. It was installed in 1974, timed for synergy with the upcoming American Bicentennial. But why in Tomorrowland? Even as a young child, I realized how weird this was. Why not, say, Main Street, which already had patriotism as a major theme?