Armchair Imagineering: A Proper “Studios” Park

There seems to be a broad consensus among theme park fans that Disney's worst results come about when it tries to poach Universal's fanbase by creating parks (and sometimes sections of parks) where the “theme” is: movies. The main reason for this consistent failure is, I think, that Disney is too wedded to the concept of “magic.” The thing that makes Universal Studios Hollywood unique is not which IPs it can lay claim to, but that it is entwined with a working film studio, and its centerpiece attraction (as well as various others over the years) is all about showing its guests, in some detail, how filmmaking works, how the illusions are created. Other Universal parks don't have this going for them, but some of the mojo rubs off on the brand.

But Disney won't do that, because for some reason the company hates admitting that what it does is artifice. Maybe the decision-makers actually don't think much of guests' imaginations,* so they assume they have to trick us into believing it's all really truly reeeeaaaaaaaaal or we can't be counted on to purchase Princess costumes and toy lightsabers. Whatever the reason, the “Studios” parks end up being dumping grounds for rides based on movies that don't fit the themes of a Kingdom-style park or Epcot or DisneySea, but they're still movies, so they totally work in a park where the theme is movies, right?

Right?

Does it even need to be said at this point that I disagree?

If Disney really wants to duke it out with Universal, it has to be willing to go all-in—to say not only “Aren't our movies awesome?” but also “And here's how we make them so.”

And then it has to do its rival one better by focusing on not just the most popular movies under its already vast and still-expanding umbrella, but those movies that best demonstrate “movie magic”—the ones that advance the artform in some significant way, the ones that enjoy not just box-office success but critical acclaim. By the same token, the company needs to be willing to highlight the differences in how the various studios it has absorbed tell their stories, instead of just blithely subsuming them under the homogenized banner of Disney-ness and pretending that Elsa, Spider-Man, Chewbacca, and Dory are all natural companions to each other.

This Armchair Imagineering post offers a rough idea of how they might do that in a hypothetical “studios” park.

In addition to this bold premise, I continue to champion the idea that there is a broad middle ground between the biggest bestest most elaborate thrill rides on one hand, and the humble character meet-and-greets on the other, and Disney needs to get back to offering more of that middle ground.

Intrigued yet?

Armchair Imagineering: Moana's Grand Voyage Parade

Remember when Disneyland used to run parades based on a single movie? It was a Nineties phenomenon—the Disney Renaissance was redefining theatrical animation, but the suits weren't quite ready to devote permanent theme park real estate to new films yet, so they went all-in on live entertainment. Some of the Renaissance movies were honored with summary stage adaptations (leaning heavily on the musical numbers, natch), others with parades, but one way or another, nearly every one of them got some sort of show all to itself.

I kinda miss that. Not just the creativity that went into spinning an entire full-length parade concept out of the imagery of just one film, but the frequency with which the parades were rotated as new movies were released. We had an average of about one new daytime parade every two years throughout the Nineties, whereas now? The last new daytime parade was rolled out in 2011—and granted, said parade is Mickey's Soundsational and I don't exactly have anything to complain about, and we've also gotten Paint the Night in the meantime, but that's still eight years without anything fresh for the daylight hours.

I sometimes think about what it would have been like if the single-film parade tradition had been maintained, or at least revived once Disney regained confidence in its animated features. It almost was—a parade was planned for The Princess and the Frog before being scaled back to just one unit* of Soundsational—and I can drive myself to distraction wondering what a Tangled parade would look like. Or a Wreck-it Ralph parade.

But by far the best 2010s candidate for adaptation into a parade is Moana. Disney Renaissance parades grew out of movies where it made some amount of sense in-universe to hold a parade or similar event. Aladdin's Royal Caravan was basically a fifteen-minute expansion of the Prince Ali sequence, the Mulan Parade was very much like a Chinese New Year parade with lion dancers, acrobats, and jugglers. Moana is a film about a personal journey wrapped up in a physical journey—how better to represent that than with an attraction that literally moves from one end of Disneyland to the other?

Board my boat and strap in while I take you through the Moana's Grand Voyage Parade!

Armchair Imagineering: Make Mine Marvel

The construction walls have been up at California Adventure for several months at this point, as “a bug's land” is torn out and replaced with...I hesitate to say a Marvel land, since I don't know yet what all will be there. Let's go with Marvel stuff. “a bug's land” is being torn out and replaced with Marvel stuff. WDI is being pretty tight-lipped about the details, but apparently we have an Avengers attraction and a Spider-Man attraction on the way, which in combination with the Guardians Tower of Galactic Terror—Mission: Breaktime! Breakneck! Breakout! amounts to...one heck of a missed opportunity.

There are two problems with IP-mania, as I see it. There's the simple fact of it, the trend of attractions and entire lands based on popular film properties completely overtaking original concepts. I've been over the reasons this is a problem on multiple occasions, so I won't go into it now. The second problem is that IP-based attractions are rarely executed in a way that does justice to either the source material or the larger themes of the park/land where they are placed. We see a lot of “book report” rides, as well as attractions that literally just put character images on otherwise unexceptional rides.* There tends to be too much emphasis on popular characters, rather than on making guests feel like part of an exciting world.

And that's what I'm worried about with the new Marvel stuff. Mission: Brakepads! is already a subpar execution, because they forced it to occupy infrastructure designed for another ride entirely. There's almost certainly a good Guardians of the Galaxy ride out there in the realm of possibility, but deciding to make one where the premise is that the Collector literally took a traveling exhibit of his stuff to the literal California Adventure, simply because there was a convenient tower there to squeeze it into...well, it's not what I would have done. (For the record, this is what I would have done.) A GotG attraction should take advantage of the exotic interplanetary setting and make us feel as if we, like young Peter Quill, have been abducted by aliens and introduced into this hyper-advanced, multi-species society. To the extent that a Guardians of the Galaxy ride needs to focus on its wacky stars, we should at least get to see them guarding the freaking Galaxy, yeah?

Getting back to the upcoming additions...I don't have high hopes. The Avengers and Spider-Man are certainly fun characters, but their “standard” adventures take place in...ordinary cities in the real, modern world. You don't watch an Avengers movie to see what fantastic realm they're going to visit, because they (generally) won't. You do it to see what sort of over-the-top baddie they have to face this time, and how they'll use their over-the-top powers to win the day.

I don't know about you, but I live in an ordinary city in the real, modern world, and it's boring as hell. Which is why I go to theme parks.

The sad irony is that there are several MCU properties that could provide that sense of wonder and participatory adventure that the Avengers and Spider-Man are (probably) not quite up to. Let me throw out some ideas.

(Just as a note before we begin, I haven't actually seen all of the Marvel movies. I should probably get around to it one of these days, but it would be something like 40+ hours of cinema to sit through. So I'm going off what I have seen.)

Armchair Imagineering: Walt Disney Animation Holiday

We can definitely start thinking about Christmas music now.

Disney sure loves its holiday overlays. Between Halloween and Christmas, and counting parades and fireworks shows, there are no fewer than eleven holiday-specific attractions in the Disneyland Resort.* Likewise, quite a few music loops throughout the resort are seasonally replaced with Christmas-y versions.

However, there is one—attraction? sort of? let's call it an attraction-esque feature—wherein the music is much of the point, yet it has never been given this sort of temporary reskin. And this despite the fact that the feature in question is so modular that creating and executing a special version for the winter holiday season would be a snap. I am referring, of course, to the lobby area of Walt Disney Animation in California Adventure.

I've gushed about this spot before. It's just such a pleasant place to pass a half-hour or so until the display loops around. Given the extent to which my personal enjoyment of the Christmas season relies on the holiday's unique atmosphere, I can't help but feel this would only be enhanced if the lobby lined up with the holidays. The only snag is...is there enough material?

It's not that Disney never makes anything specifically for Christmas. Consider Mickey's Christmas Carol, or Prep and Landing, or even Beauty and the Beast: Enchanted Christmas. The problem from our point of view is that Walt Disney Animation focuses exclusively on theatrical features, on the output of Walt Disney Animation Studios and Pixar. And given that the point is to toot Disney's horn about its best offerings, things should probably stay that way. So where are we supposed to come up with a 30-minute loop's worth of Christmas footage when not a single entry in the Disney Animated Canon or the Pixar filmography counts as a Christmas movie?

Well, there are a few things we can do. The main one is that instead of celebrating an entire movie at a time, we can zero in on particular scenes, sequences and songs that are Christmas-related. Another is that we can then broaden our standards to include general winter imagery, which in American culture is associated almost exclusively with Christmas. I'll go ahead and say we can venture a little outside the WDAS/Pixar dyad, as long as we stay within the realm of theatrical feature animation. And finally...as a holiday special, maybe this loop doesn't have to be as long as the standard one. 15-20 minutes should suffice.

So what have we got to play with?

Armchair Imagineering: Villain Land

Back when I used to frequent various online Disney theme park forums, one recurring suggestion from the Armchair Imagineers present was some sort of “Villain Land” or “Villain Mountain”—a themed area devoted to the Disney Villains. As I recall, the idea was almost never developed beyond that basic concept—those proposing it didn’t really know what they wanted, but they sure had a mighty need for it.

Well.

I’m an Armchair Imagineer myself, not an armchair psychologist, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest that what these young people—because they were always young people, teens and early twenties—actually wanted was for Disney to validate their fandom as young adults. They hadn’t grown out of their childhood love of Disney but had reached an age where they were starting to be embarrassed about it, so they gravitated to the “darker and edgier” aspects of the brand—the Haunted Mansion, The Nightmare Before Christmas…and the Villains.

I bet a lot of them shopped at Hot Topic.*

My point is that the vagueness of the “Villain Land” idea is probably because it wasn’t coming from a place of Armchair Imagineering inspiration, but a simple desire to have something at Disneyland that the young adults could enjoy unself-consciously. If it gets around at school that you went to Disneyland and rode “it’s a small world,” you’ll be a laughingstock…but if it gets around that you went to Disneyland and rode, uh, the Malefi-coaster, no one will even bat an eye, because Maleficent is badass and was played by the sexy Angelina Jolie that one time.

Personally, I don’t think a Villain Land would work all that well. It’s not that the idea of a place where the Villains reign supreme lacks appeal—it would basically be a dark mirror of Fantasyland—but the execution would have to be bold in order to find its audience, and Disney's handling of its crossover brands has historically been anything but bold. Crossover might not even be the right word for Villains, or its innocent counterpart Princess—when was the last time you saw any merch for either that had the characters from different films interacting, as opposed to just existing side-by-side?

I can guarantee you, the sort of people to be interested in a hypothetical Villain Land would want interaction. They would want worldbuilding.** They would want to be heavily reminded of Fantasmic! and/or Kingdom Hearts. And I don't trust Disney's willingness to take the necessary creative risks in providing these things.

But what if...?

What if, instead of a mere Armchair Imagineer, I were an actual Imagineer, getting paid for it, and in fact I were advanced enough to be put in charge of designing the Villain Land project? How would I make the most of the opportunity? 'Tis true, you cannot make of a sow's ear a silk purse, but surely some kind of functional container, presumably made of rawhide, is possible?

That apocalyptic shattering sound you just heard was my knuckles cracking as I get to work!

Armchair Imagineering: Halloween Adventure

Many moons ago, I outlined a vision for a Disneyland Park going as hard (if not harder) for Halloween as it typically does for Christmas—unique decorations throughout every land, seasonal area music loops, nighttime attraction overlays, live entertainment, the works. None of it has actually come to pass, of course, but Halloween remains a highlight of the year, both at the Disneyland Resort and in the larger culture.

So now it’s the other park’s turn.

Like its older sister, California Adventure does a fair amount for Spoopy Day already, but there is tons of room for improvement, in terms of both refining what is there and adding more. One interesting aspect here is that the Halloween offerings only really kick in at nightfall, which is...certainly thematically appropriate! I might just let that stand.

Conversely, the one thing I find pretty irritating is the designation of Oogie Boogie as the park's official Halloween mascot. There's nothing wrong with a Halloween mascot per se,* but not only are there no specific links between California Adventure and The Nightmare Before Christmas or its characters, they don't actually do anything with this supposed mascot. His silhouette appears over the entrance gates and there are occasionally booming announcements in Ken Page's fabulous voice. That's it. There's no Oogie meet-and-greet tucked into an unassuming corner, no Oogie-based attraction overlay or stage skit.

So if we must have a mascot, then a) it should be a character with some legitimate connection to the park (such as perhaps?) and b) you should be able to tell that they're the mascot.

Anyway, let's get to the land-by-land breakdown. I admittedly have fewer solid ideas for this park than for the other one, mostly because...I was already an adult when California Adventure opened. I didn't grow up thinking about it; it doesn't live in my bones the way Disneyland does.

But let's see what I can do.

Armchair Imagineering: Disneyland Tribute Parade

I haven't talked much on this blog about the massive celebration Disneyland held for its 50^th anniversary, dubbed the Happiest Homecoming on Earth. Some, but not much.

It was really, really awesome. Sleeping Beauty Castle was decked out with jewels, banners, and five gorgeous crowns on the turrets, each representing a different decade of Disneyland history. Those who enjoyed “find them all” type games had no fewer than three to dive into, one involving photomosaics built from photos sent in by guests, one involving mouse-eared “50” logos, and one involving pressed pennies. There was a retrospective film with Steve Martin,* and the best fireworks show ever.** It was so memorable and, dare I say it, magical that...I... mayhavewrittenfanfictionaboutit.

There was also a parade.

I'm not saying Walt Disney's Parade of Dreams was bad, but when put up alongside the other Golden Anniversary offerings, it was...too normal, maybe? Except for the first and last units, which popped in appropriate ways, it was a pretty standard 21^st Century Disney parade: about half a dozen floats referencing different animated movies, accompanied by appropriately costumed dancers. Every so often, they would remember why they were there and have a “show stop” involving golden flags and a new cover of the song “Welcome” from Brother Bear.***

It's almost like two parades were cut in half and mashed together: a conventional parade promoting popular movies, and a really unique one for the 50^th anniversary. And I just think that for such a momentous occasion, the whole thing should have been unique. Should have been about Disneyland, like the fireworks were.

There was certainly precedent. The Silver Anniversary, in 1980, featured both a parade and a live stage show that celebrated the park in a land-by-land fashion. And you know me—I'm all about those themed lands. So consider this the parade we should have gotten for the Happiest Homecoming...with a bonus feature of also being applicable to any park anniversary...or just in general. Disneyland shouldn't need an excuse to celebrate itself.

Any similarities with the 1980 parade are, believe it or not, purely coincidental. But also pretty much to be expected.

Armchair Imagineering: Four Concepts For Area Themes That Disney Should Absolutely Try

I've been getting more wildly speculative with my Armchair Imagineering posts lately. This is largely because I've had this blog for three-and-a-half years, with a pretty consistent weekly posting schedule, and I'm just plain running low on what you might call “standard” material. I've gotten all the Strong Opinions about rides past and present out of my system and I have to reach deeper into my imagination for topics.

The topic of this week's post is something I've touched on before but never devoted an entire post to: ideas for area themes that haven't been tried before, at least not by Disney. I don't have a proposal for a park to fit all these into, but for what they are, I hope you find them as intriguing as I do.

Armchair Imagineering: A California Adventure Worthy of the Name

Lastweek's post brought a momentary idle thought about an alternate version of California Adventure 1.0. It wasn't the sort of thing I could let slide, so this week, you get to see me develop it a bit further. I say “a bit” because, well, this is my first time designing a theme park almost completely from scratch. I'm keeping very little from the California Adventure we actually got; the area themes, attractions, and even layout are almost completely different. The upshot is that virtually none of the work has already been done for me and I've had to bash this out in time for the weekly deadline I have set myself.* So it's more of an outline than a fully detailed concept.

But enough excuses. Let's talk theme park!

Armchair Imagineering: Alternate Universe Castles

Sleeping Beauty Castle. Cinderella's Castle. Cinderella's Castle again. Sleeping Beauty's Castle en français. Generic Castle! If there's one thing that defines a Disneyland-style theme park, it's that gorgeous central castle. Fans even lump together the various Disneylands and Magic Kingdoms around the world under the umbrella name of “castle parks,” understood to mean not just that they contain a castle, but that they consist of several themed lands arranged radially around said castle. One of the first details many Armchair Imagineers hammer down when doing something like this is the identity and basic design of the castle: Which Princess has her name attached to it? How big is it? What (if anything) is inside it? Obviously, you can't envision such a park without a castle...

...or can you?

Years before the announcement of a Star Wars themed area dropped, fans would sometimes spitball ideas for an entire Star Wars theme park. I actually think such a park could work really well,* but the interesting thing is that more than one person defaulted to the “castle park” template in their design, with lands themed to various planets and other concepts in the Star Wars continuity, arranged around a central palace-like structure. Obviously this wasn't a storybook castle—it was the palace on Naboo, or the Galactic Senate meeting hall, or a grand Jedi temple.

So now I'm thinking...what else could the castle be, besides a castle? Part of the reason it's always a castle, of course, is that it doubles as the entrance to Fantasyland, where all the fairy tales get charmingly mashed together. So what if a different themed land claimed that place of honor? Let's try a few:

Armchair Imagineering: The Ideal Kingdom

It's inevitable. Dabble in Armchair Imagineering long enough, and sooner or later you'll get the urge to try your hand at designing an entire park. There are two main ways people go with such a project—either they attempt to put together their personal Platonic ideal of a Disneyland-style “Kingdom” park,* or they craft their own answer to Universal Islands of Adventure with a bunch of Disney's purchased IPs.

This is an example of the former.

It's times like this when I really wish I could draw well. I would love to be able to create a tentative map of my vision here, or some concept art for the original attraction ideas. But alas, that gift is not mine, so you and I are stuck with text.**

My goals here are severalfold. I wish to distill my 40 years of Disneyland memories into something that hits all the sweet spots of both my nostalgia and my current tastes, while also having things to offer the younger generation of fans. I want to iron out some of the wrinkles that have resulted from decades of making-it-up-as-they-go-along, while still preserving the charm that this methodology has produced. I want a park that's chock-a-block with things to do, at all levels of intensity, while still having room to grow. I want immersive worlds that are just complete enough to prompt guests to fill in the blanks themselves. I want to get back to the principle that the guest experience is primary.

A great deal of what follows will be intimately familiar. Hopefully, enough of it won't be to constitute a transformative improvement. Or at least to be intriguing.

Armchair Imagineering: Five Disney Movies That Absolutely Should Have Been Tapped For Rides By Now, So Why Haven't They?

I think the title about says it all.

Okay, fine, I'll write a proper intro.

It can be instructive to examine which Disney films get tie-in rides (or other major attractions, as opposed to character meet-and-greets, parade units, etc.) and which ones don't. Quite some time ago, I grumped about how the Pixar movies get the gold star treatment in the parks, while the films of the Disney Renaissance that actually pulled the animation studio back to the prominence it has enjoyed for a solid generation are largely ignored. The so-called Golden and Silver Ages are well-represented, naturally, while the less-ambitious projects of the Sixties and Seventies are mostly sidelined. Lately, the high-profile live-action IPs Disney has bought are getting the lion's share of the attention from WDI.

The facts are what they are, but I'm sure we can all think of movies that we wish had been turned into rides, but which have been rather inexplicably skipped so far. Here are five of mine, in no particular order.

Okay, fine, in chronological order of release.

Imagineering Theory: 10 Rules to Live By

Hey there, all you Armchair Imagineers! Tired of following current trends in theme park design? Does the current wisdom seem not-so-wise? Want your theme park ideas to pop?

The solution is here! Just follow these ten simple, obvious, incredibly important so why don't actual theme parks follow them much anymore I ask you rules, and watch the quality of your Armchair Imagineering soar to new heights!

Armchair Imagineering: Let's Play Some Games!

Consider this a follow-up to last week's post about the singular Legends of Frontierland.

Legends was, for all intents and purposes, a LARP.* It was free to play and almost entirely freeform, with potentially infinite complexity once you got past the simple surface mechanic. It was group-oriented and loaded with continuity. The reward for playing was the game itself. And it garnered an adoring consistent player group.

The Adventureland Trading Company, operating at the same time, was almost entirely its opposite—pay-to-play, revolving around standalone prefabricated tasks comparable to scavenger hunts. There were no consistent characters to interact with; in fact you hardly had to interact with anyone in order to do it. The reward for completing each task was a nice little iconic souvenir. I didn't try this one, but according to those who did play, the souvenirs are great value for the cost, and you got the satisfaction of “winning” them, not merely buying them.

Each was well suited to its setting, of course—on the one hand, people coming together to community-build with few resources besides the various skills they brought with them, and on the other, individuals exploring in search of rare prizes. You might think of the two games as the ends of a spectrum...at least, it's hard to envision a game being more extreme in any particular and still being a viable theme park activity. So perhaps obviously, ever since the summer of 2014, I've occasionally wondered what games for Disneyland's remaining themed lands might potentially be like. Which lands are better suited to something in the Legends mold and which would be better served by something modeled more after Trading Company? What other permutations of basic game features would be possible? Is the Dilettante going to answer any of these questions, or is she stuck in rhetorical mode again?

Wait, what?

Armchair Imagineering: Halloween Music Loops

As the Halloween season gets into gear, I naturally start thinking about how Disneyland could improve their Halloween offerings. If you've been following me for a while, you might remember this post. Or perhaps not. Either way, this week I've decided to focus on an element of seasonal theme parkery* that I only touched on back then: music loops.

The great majority of themed areas in the Disneyland Resort include some sort of background music loop that can be heard throughout all or part of the area. During the winter holiday seasom, AKA “Christmas,” several areas play a special seasonal loop in lieu of the normal one. So with Halloween becoming as big a deal as Christmas in terms of decorations, live entertainment, etc....why not shore it up with music?

Part of the problem, of course—maybe the biggest part—is that there isn't a lot of immediately recognizable “Halloween music” out there. Sure, there are a few hits that all the radio stations play in October—“Monster Mash” by Bobby Pickett, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson, and “Dead Man's Party” by Oingo Boingo being some of the most noteworthy—but nothing like the dozens of standard Christmas hymns and carols, which get covered and re-arranged into every conceivable musical genre so that no theme park music designer could fail to find what they're looking for.

So is this a fruitless project, then? Of course not. I would hardly have taken it far enough to post if it were. While the “canon” of Halloween music is very slim indeed and might seem too contemporary for the various historical and fantastical realms present in Disneyland, a little research turns up dozens of songs about ghosts and goblins, witches and vampires, and assorted things that go bump in the night, going right back to the Jazz Age and even earlier.

So here, in (relative) brief, are some ideas for music that could be used to enhance Disneyland's Halloween seasonal flair!

Guest Post! Tomorrowland - Innovating Technology With Imagination

It is my very great privilege this week to share, for the first time, a post by a guest author! The author in question is in fact my sister, who created the blog banner, took some of the photos I have used for illustration, and even comments here from time to time. She is not usually as wordy an Armchair Imagineer as I am, but on this occasion, inspiration struck.

Armchair Imagineering: Pixar Pier

So D23 just happened last weekend. I didn't get to go, but by all accounts, the Parks Division had a lot to say about their upcoming projects. Among them is a plan to remodel California Adventure's Paradise Pier—again—this time with a unique and cohesive theme that really brings across the romance of the boardwalk and the seaside environment.

Nah, just kidding. They're gonna slather Pixar IP all over the place.

I've explained before why I don't think a “Pixar Land” would really work as a themed area. In brief, few Pixar movies have the kind of setting that would be fascinating just to exist in; they mostly take place in the normal modern world, or a facsimile of it (even if they offer a different perspective on said world). But I must say...it's not as if the area is all that compelling to begin with. Maybe a dose of Pixar-i-fication will at least liven things up a bit.

But can we at least hope that they don't just randomly slap these valuable IPs on attractions and shops willy-nilly? Please? Can we hope for some logic to be involved?

Maybe?

Armchair Imagineering: Escape From the Shadowman!

I've inspired myself! It happens sometimes—spend enough time spitballing ideas, and one of them is bound to stick to the wall. While writing last week's post, I liked my sketchy idea for a dark ride based on The Princess and the Frog so much that I decided to develop it in more detail. It's a pity I was sick a few weeks ago and had to do a filler post, or this would have come out just in time for Mardi Gras, but we all have to play the hand we're dealt.

Premise

Dr. Facilier has turned us into frogs because...reasons! We must escape his shadow-minions through the Louisiana bayou and return to New Orleans before midnight on Mardi Gras because...also reasons!

Obviously, this ride concept references the plot of The Princess and the Frog in only the broadest of strokes. I keep saying that the best rides are those that focus on the guests rather than making them passive observers to a narrative, and I stand by that. We're not here for Tiana and Naveen. We're here for us.

You'll see what I mean when I get to the details of the ride itself.

Armchair Imagineering: Disneyland Merch That Should Exist

On this blog, perhaps more often than I should, I sometimes wind up speculating about Disneyland merchandise that I wish existed, from LEGO sets to plastic figurines to more LEGOs. Considering that I really can't justify purchasing a lot of the totally awesome goods that already do exist,* it's probably gross folly for me to keep imagining more, but you know, I just can't help myself. I'm not a terribly ambitious person, but if I can prompt just one person to post that Futurama meme—you know the one—it will be a point of pride.

Thus far, I have focused on Disneyland-based toys that I wish existed, because a) I am a giant nerd who never really outgrew toys, b) toys are usually not very expensive, whereas collectibles intended for grown-ups can be prohibitively so, and c) Disneyland and toys go really well together. The park sells gobs of plush animals and action figures and pretend weapons and children's costumes, some of which are even specific to Disney theme parks. For this post, I plan to branch out from that, but I'm kind of freewheeling it, so we'll have to wait and see what all I come up with.

Armchair Imagineering: Plussing the Show

“Always plus the show,” Walt Disney was known to say. I have no idea if he innovated the practice of using “plus” as a transitive verb, but fans have picked it up right alongside other Disneyland insider jargon, including “weenie”* and “protein spill.”** To Walt, “plussing” meant any sort of improvement on what was already there, but as language does, the term seems to have evolved. When most people talk about “plussing,” they are definitely not referring to new attractions or even wholesale renovations of existing ones. Nor is the term used in connection with essential maintenance—fixing a broken animatronic is not plussing…more like “un-minusing.”*** Plussing, rather, is making a small improvement to the park—a new garden planter here, an array of verisimilitude-enhancing props there, an Easter egg added to a show scene to reward the sharp-eyed and/or well-read.

There is no hard bright line separating the mere plusses from more significant alterations, but we know the difference when we see it. The 2015 changes to the Matterhorn are too extensive to be considered plusses, but the revamp of Big Thunder Mountain’s climactic scene might count. The addition of a cross-country skiing troupe to A Christmas Fantasy Parade definitely counts. Here’s another great example, spotted (by yours truly) just over a week ago in the Enchanted Chamber:

Pictured: The funniest scene in any Disney movie ever. Period.

There is an infinite “possibility space” of plusses that could be made to Disneyland. Here are some I would like to see.