Yes,
the blog is still on hiatus due to Yours Truly's knee injury, but
this topic intimately concerns said injury, so I figured I'd throw
you a bone. (All, what, three of you?) I may do this from time to
time until I'm properly back in the saddle and can commit to a weekly
schedule again. The point is, a torn ACL, etc. is no excuse to cancel
previously existing theme park plans, so the other day I got to
undergo the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience.
My
challenge was in fact twofold: 1) a complete inability to put weight
on my left leg, and 2) this big honking immobilizing brace they're
having me wear until further notice, additionally preventing me from
bending said leg...unless I take it off, which is technically an
option, but one I want to avoid as much as possible. I mention this
because it serves as a contrast with my previous secondhand glimpses
of the Disneyland Wheelchair Experience, with a party member who
could walk, just not for
hours at a time. No ride or attraction need be off-limits to such an
individual. I knew from the outset that my situation was going to be
a bit more dire than that.
So how did it work out? Here are some of the highlights. And
lowlights.
As
the Halloween season gets into gear, I naturally start thinking about
how Disneyland could improve their Halloween offerings. If you've
been following me for a while, you might remember this
post. Or perhaps not. Either way, this week I've decided to focus
on an element of seasonal theme parkery* that I only touched on back
then: music loops.
The
great majority of themed areas in the Disneyland Resort include some
sort of background music loop that can be heard throughout all or
part of the area. During the winter holiday seasom, AKA “Christmas,”
several areas play a special seasonal loop in lieu of the normal one.
So with Halloween becoming as big a deal as Christmas in terms of
decorations, live entertainment, etc....why not shore it up with
music?
Part
of the problem, of course—maybe the biggest part—is that there
isn't a lot of immediately recognizable “Halloween music” out
there. Sure, there are a few hits that all the radio stations play in
October—“Monster Mash” by Bobby Pickett, “Thriller” by
Michael Jackson, and “Dead Man's Party” by Oingo Boingo being
some of the most noteworthy—but nothing like the dozens of standard
Christmas hymns and carols, which get covered and re-arranged into
every conceivable musical genre so that no theme park music designer
could fail to find what they're looking for.
So
is this a fruitless project, then? Of course not. I would hardly have
taken it far enough to post if it were. While the “canon” of
Halloween music is very slim indeed
and might seem too contemporary for the various historical and
fantastical realms present in Disneyland, a little research turns up
dozens of songs about
ghosts and goblins, witches and vampires, and assorted things that go
bump in the night, going right back to the Jazz Age and even earlier.
So
here, in (relative) brief, are some ideas for music that could be
used to enhance Disneyland's Halloween seasonal flair!
A funny thing happened about five minutes after I submitted last week's post. I suddenly remembered that when Kingdom Hearts
was new—well, newer than it is today*—I actually had a silly idea
for a “Kingdom Hearts tour,” where you would visit attractions in
the same order as you visit the corresponding “worlds” in the
game.
And...why not? I'm distracted this week, it's been a while since I
offered up any Unauthorized Fun,
and we're just entering the time of year where you can actually
experience this ride plan to its fullest extent. So here it is: The
Disneyland Resort Kingdom Hearts Tour!
You
know what I haven't talked about in a good while? Video games.
I
like video games. I want to say I love them, but in all honesty? If I
truly loved them I'd probably play more of them. Keeping on top of
the medium takes a serious investment of time and money that I'm just
not willing to put in. It would too greatly hamper my ability to
pursue everything else I do...including this blog. I'm usually
vaguely aware of the latest developments in the industry, but the
most advanced console in my personal possession is...a PlayStation 2.
But
that's okay. You know what I can play on a PS2? Kingdom Hearts.
I've mentioned before that there are many similarities between
playing a video game, especially one with a “sandbox” structure,
and visiting a theme park. The games in the Kingdom Hearts series are
not very sandbox-y, but they are especially comparable to a
Disneyland visit, and not just because of the whole Disney
mega-crossover thing. Game progression in this series revolves around
traveling to a succession of “worlds,” like miniature planets,
each a unique setting with its own theme and quirks. In the first
game alone (the one I own and the only one I am especially familiar
with—see above), the playable worlds include a tropical
island, a gorilla-inhabited
jungle, an underwater
realm, a spooooooky
haunted realm, a pseudo-futuristic/steampunk/magepunk
palace, Wonderland,
Neverland, and the
100-Acre Wood.
Kingdom Hearts II adds a fairy
tale castle, a pirate
cove, a world of
classic cartoons, and a virtual
reality computer world, among others. I can't keep track of all
the prequels and interquels and whatnot cluttering up the franchise,
but the third proper installment is due to be released next
year, and...guys?
There's theme park in it.
One of the game's special features will have the hero summon ride
vehicles—actual ride vehicles, ranging in type from a Big
Thunder Mountain train to a pair of spinning Teacups—and ride in
them to gain advantages during battle sequences. As a charming bonus,
the vehicles show up outlined in little colored lights, à
la Electrical Parade floats:
Disney's most ambitious and unique concept has finally been included
in what is probably its most successful video game franchise. I'm
surprised the park fans aren't talking about it more.* But it's not
really fully integrated, is it? The “summons” in these
games are fun, but they're basically cameos. They're not part of the
story. The stuff that matters in these games is bound up in
the various worlds you travel to and the native characters you meet
there.
You can probably tell where I'm going with this. Just for fun, here's
some completely speculative fanwank on my part about how certain
Disneyland attractions might fit into the Kingdom Hearts series as
actual worlds. Naturally, there's more to consider than just “Is
this cool?” Ideally, a world for this game franchise should
combine:
A
striking setting
Potential
unique gameplay elements
Potential
thematic enemy types/bosses
Characters
who can be your allies
Even of the existing worlds, not all of them hit all four points, but
most of them hit at least three, and the exceptions are typically
uniquely positioned within the plot—for instance, in the first
game, “End of the World” contains no allies, but that's because
it's the last dang stage in the game, described as a
conglomeration of destroyed worlds—what friendly character could
reasonably be expected to show up there?
Let's
be perfectly clear: Most animated
Disney movies are not
“Princess movies.” Run the numbers, and you’ll find that a
protagonist in the Disney Animated Canon is much more likely to be
some kind of non-human animal than a young lady of royal disposition.
If not both...
But
the Princesses are probably the most collectively visible characters
under the Disney banner, and not just because they have a merchandise
brand. And there are quite a few of them, especially when you expand
beyond the fairly restrictive boundaries* of said brand. They are
perhaps the quintessential Fantasyland characters, but are so popular
for meet-and-greets that Fantasyland alone cannot contain them. Not
only do Princesses pop up in other parts of Disneyland and even
across the way in California Adventure, but Fantasyland itself
annexed a chunk of Main Street in order to host the Princesses in
Fantasy Faire.
So
here's an idea that's kinda fun and silly: Can we assign each
land in the Disneyland Resort its very own, focus-tested,
thematically or at least situationally appropriate Princess? And by
we, I of course mean
I. I have too much
respect for you to ever accuse you of finding enjoyment in something
this self-referentially nerdy.
It
should go without saying, but I am not
restricting this project to the “official” Disney Princesses, or
even the official Princesses plus the few characters that everyone
assumes will become official sooner or later. That wouldn't be
enough, in terms of raw numbers or variety of character types.
Instead, I am taking into consideration official Princesses, presumed
future official Princesses, and
characters from theatrical releases who are referred to as princesses
and/or presumed to be princesses in-universe. Basically, if fans are
prone to wondering why a character isn't
included in the brand, we can give her an honorarium for the purposes
of this post.
“...a sound broke
out over the gently rippling water. In fact it was a sound that they
had heard several times since entering Frontierland without thinking
anything of it…because never during fifty years of their
experience, except for comparatively brief stretches involving
maintenance, had Frontierland been without it. It was almost
background noise, a sound they took for granted. Its absence would
have been a deafening clamor.
It was the low, mellow
blast of the steam whistle on a paddlewheel-driven riverboat.”
– Crowns of the Kingdom
Chapter 6, “Weirdness in the Wild West”
It
may be the height of arrogance to quote one's own writing, but while
planning this post and trying to come up with the best way to explain
what it has been like to be without the Mark Twain—and
the Columbia and the
Disneyland Railroad and the rest—since January of 2016, I realized
that...I already had. Their absence has been a deafening clamor.
Disneyland isn't quite itself without these 100% classic
attractions...particularly the steamboat and steam train, Opening Day
originals.
It's
been especially disconcerting because we've known the whole time that
when they re-opened, these rides would be drastically—and
permanently—altered. New construction around the edges of the park
has affected the Disneyland Railroad before, of course, but never
quite on this scale. We've been hearing a lot about how the train now
turns left for the
first! time! ever! as if that were something genuinely exciting. Me?
I wasn't sure anything could make up for the fact that Tom Sawyer
Island and the Rivers of America themselves have been truncated
in order to free up land for Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge.
So
now that I've seen it all...how is it? So glad you asked...
Once
again, I find myself lacking the wherewithal to produce a full post
in time for Monday, so I'm stealing content from elsewhere on the Net
and calling it a friendly cross-promotion, or whatever. Ironically,
part of the reason for my malaise is that I spent Saturday at
Disneyland, taking in the re-opened Disneyland Railroad, Rivers of
America, and Fantasmic!—more on all that hopefully next week, after
I've had a few days to get my thoughts in order.
For
now, I offer you...fanfiction. Oh, stop making that face. It's true
that the vast majority of fanfiction—no matter the fandom—is
completely terrible, due to the barriers to entry being basically
non-existent. But by the same token, it's no harder for a talented
writer to self-publish online than a godawful one, so once in a while
you might stumble something genuinely worth reading. Today I'd like
to share a bona-fide unicorn: a fanfic about Disneyland itself,
starring actual Disney characters (not the author's own dull
self-insert) on an epic adventure to save the magic!
No,
it's not my own “Crowns of the Kingdom” (though if you'd like to
make my day...sidebar link, hint hint!). This unexpected treasure is
called “The
Happiest Place,” by fanfiction.net author ForTalosandtheEmpire.
Not only is it well-written in general, but it hits all the right
notes for my ideal
Disneyland-based story, blending action, fantasy, heartfelt character
moments, and, best of all, a baked-in appreciation for the magic
of Disneyland quite apart from its status as the place where
characters live. Most fanfic writers who tackle Disney theme parks
tend to go with one of two portrayals—either they're “just”
theme parks, or they harbor secret portals to the Magical Realms of
Disney (i.e. the settings of the movies, Kingdom
Hearts-style).
ForTalosandtheEmpire has somehow hit upon an elusive sweet spot
between the two, resulting in a depiction of Disneyland as we fans
experience it, not
necessarily as it is in objective reality.
If
you're feeling hard-up for some of that good old Disneyland magic and
have spare time for reading, you could do a lot worse.
